Neglect and Abandonment Issues

According to Merriam-Webster, here are the most straightforward legal definitions of the terms abandonment and neglect:

Abandonment of a spouse: “Failure to have contact with a spouse that is intended to create a permanent separation.”

Abandonment of a child: “Failure to communicate with or provide financial support for one’s child over a period of time that shows a purpose to forego parental duties and rights.”

Neglect: “A disregard of a duty resulting from carelessness, indifference, or willfulness; especially: a failure to provide a child under one’s care with proper food, clothing, shelter, supervision, medical care, or emotional stability.” The first part of the definition can apply to spouses as well as children.

There are two broad categories of abandonment and neglect; these categories are based on the age of the victim.

Child Abandonment or Neglect

When a parent, guardian, or legally responsible party deserts a child without regard for the child’s safety, health, or well-being, this is a criminal act known as child abandonment.

Criminal neglect occurs when a parent, guardian, or legally responsible party withholds or fails to provide what is necessary for a child’s safety, health, or well-being.

What kinds of specific behaviors constitute child abandonment or neglect? They may include the following (but other actions can also fall under this category):

• Severe emotional neglect, generally occurring for a long time.
• Leaving a child home alone when it puts their health or safety at risk.
• Abandoning a child or infant, whether to the care of another person, on the side of a road, in a dumpster or trash can, or on a doorstep, without the intent to return.
• Unwillingness to provide supervision, support, and care.
• Providing little to no communication. 

Adult Abandonment or Neglect

The two most common forms of adult abandonment or neglect happen in marriages and in senior care situations.

Marital abandonment takes place when one spouse leaves the marriage without justification or mutual agreement, refusing to fulfill his/her responsibilities or duties. Similarly, neglect can take place within a marriage when one partner withholds support, emotional interaction, sex, etc. without adequate justification.

In marital abandonment, one spouse deserts the marriage unjustifiably and without agreement from the other spouse. It may also include not taking care of responsibilities to the family and household. Marital neglect is related to abandonment and happens when a spouse unjustifiably withholds sex, support, emotional connection, etc.

Practically speaking, marital abandonment or neglect may look like:

• Not providing care for a spouse who has serious health issues.
• Severing all connection with one’s family without reason or consent.
• Not providing support or care for minor children.
• Consistently withholding sex from one’s spouse without reason.
• Leaving the marriage without reason and without providing financial support.

Senior dependent neglect is similar to child neglect; it involves a lack of provision for the senior’s safety, health, or well-being, including:

• Being unwilling to supervise, care for, or support a senior for whom one is legally or morally responsible.
• Providing little to no communication.
• Neglecting the senior emotionally.
• Leaving them alone for long periods of time when they are unable to care for themselves, thus putting their health or safety in jeopardy.
• Not providing adequate medical care, food, shelter, or clothing.

If you have been the victim of abandonment or neglect in any form, you have suffered wounds that need healing. Help can be found, and the counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling can walk with you as you work through the pain you’ve experienced to find a place of wholeness and peace.

The details of abandonment and neglect are painful just to read about, and how much more to experience. These actions have adverse effects on victims’ lives, especially on their ability to have healthy, trusting relationships with others.

Here are just some of the most common after-effects of neglect or abandonment:

• Social anxiety
• Obsessive thoughts related to the abandonment/neglect
• Feeling a lack of autonomy over one’s life
• Depression
• Flashbacks
• Substance abuse
• Over-the-top emotional responses to criticism, exclusion, or insults
• Panic attacks
• Isolation
• Negative self-image or low self-esteem
• Generalized anxiety
• Insecurity

If you have a child who has experienced abandonment or neglect, it’s essential to get them help so they can start the healing process as soon as possible. At Spokane Christian Counseling, we have licensed professionals who are trained in children and family counseling.

Adults who experienced abandonment or neglect as children often still suffer adverse consequences. Counseling for abandonment issues can still be necessary and valuable no matter how long ago the abandonment or neglect took place.

If an adult is struggling with issues related to abandonment or neglect, they may display some or all of the following symptoms:

• Complacency
• Substance abuse
• Isolation
• Feeling deeply insecure or worthless
• Having low self-esteem
• Using self-harm behaviors as a coping mechanism
• Needing excessive reassurance

Marital or senior abandonment can cause similar issues to other kinds of neglect. Symptoms may also include the following:

• Self-doubt
• Having trouble trusting others
• Deep emotional pain
• Hopelessness or despair
• Prolonged grief and sadness
• Shame or misplaced guilt
• Confusion and disbelief

As you can see, abandonment and neglect are severe issues that can affect a person for years or even decades. If the problems caused by abandonment and neglect are not addressed, they can wreak havoc in lives and relationships, making healthy connections impossible.

These difficulties can extend to one’s spiritual life as well, fueling a fear that God himself is not trustworthy. Many Scriptures reiterate God’s promise of care and His presence with His children, including Matthew 28:20, where Jesus said, “I am with you always, to the end of the age.” And in Matthew 11:28-29, we read, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

No matter who in your life abandoned you or neglected your needs, their actions do not reflect on God’s love and care for those who trust Him. Jesus Christ offers rest for your soul and the promise of His eternal presence.

Can you relate? Maybe you are an adult who suffered abandonment or neglect in your childhood, and you feel that you still have unresolved issues related to how you were treated. Please contact us to find out how healing can begin in your life. The counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling will work with you through the lingering effects of abandonment. Our faith-based counseling program aims to help you find the hope and peace Christ offers as you put your trust in Him.

Can a person recover from abandonment issues?

Issues related to abandonment or neglect do not have to destroy the rest of your life! Unfortunately, many more people than you might expect have been victims of abandonment and neglect, and many of them are able to reach a new perspective on God, life, and themselves, enabling them to heal spiritually and emotionally from what they’ve been through. You can be one of these people as you go through the step by step process of overcoming your past.

How long does Christian counseling last?

The length of time of the therapy process depends entirely upon each individual and their situation. Your personal goals for treatment and your dedication to the counseling process, as well as the severity of the issues you’re facing, will all impact the length of treatment. Your counselor will work with you to help determine the optimal individualized course of action for your future.

How do I find the right Christian counselor?

The success of the counseling process is strongly impacted by your comfort level with the counselor you’re working with. Also, it’s essential to talk with a counselor who’s experienced in counseling for abandonment and neglect issues. Our counselor directory can help you find the best match for you.

In the Christian counseling setting, you’ll be able to start your journey of healing in a safe and compassionate environment. The goal is for you to process the trauma of abandonment and neglect, and part of that processing will involve opening up about your past, what you’re currently struggling with, and your fears and anxieties. Your counselor will help you to do this at your preferred pace.

Abandonment issues can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to deal with them alone. At Spokane Christian Counseling, we provide a place for you to fully acknowledge what’s happened to you and begin to overcome the damage it’s caused in your life and relationships.

Call us today at 509-209-8961 or contact us online to find out more about counseling for abandonment or neglect issues and to schedule your risk-free initial appointment.