Codependency

The term “codependency” is thrown around a lot in common culture but the definition tends to be a bit on the vague side, including such things as dating for too long a time or needing to be in a relationship. While these things may be included in the definition of codependency, they fall short of a full definition.

According to Dictionary.com, codependency relates to “a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way.”

Codependency is often the result of a dysfunctional and toxic home life, and can even lead to other mental health issues such as uncontrolled anger, addictions (to alcohol, drugs, or even food), or difficulty in cultivating meaningful and healthy relationships.

Symptoms of Codependency

Symptoms of codependency can be complex. At one end of the spectrum, one finds clinginess, while at the other end is extreme isolationism. In other words, they may be either entirely too dependent on their partner, or far too independent from their partner. Individuals may even alternate between the two extremes.

While it would be near impossible to offer a complete list of codependency symptoms, here are a few of the more common ones:

• Inappropriately low self-esteem
• Preoccupation with pleasing others
• Inability to say “no”
• Poor or no boundaries
• Over-sensitivity to others’ thoughts and feelings to the point of taking things personally
• Obsession with caring for or “fixing” others
• Domineering behavior or seeking to control others’ behavior
• Bad or no communication
• Preoccupation with relationship issues
• Fear of rejection or abandonment
• Difficulty cutting off unhealthy relationships
• Denial of the problem
• Blame shifting
• Being emotionally closed off often due to fear of rejection
• Anxiety and/or depression

Codependency is prevalent and can lead to a number of other issues like chemical dependency, problems with relationships, eating disorders, and problems with anger management. People with codependency have needs for love, intimacy, and self-esteem that are not being met. These unmet needs typically stem from childhood problems and produce a person who has a heavy reliance on people, substances, etc., in order to gain a sense of value or to fill a hole in their life.

Reading this, you might begin to suspect that you are codependent. If so, know that codependency is not uncommon, and that treatment has a high success rate. Christian counseling for codependency can help you break out of the unhealthy relationship mode and help you find peace and meaning in God.

Unfortunately, codependent personalities are like magnets that draw others that are emotionally damaged, or who may even have codependent tendencies themselves. The codependent exhausts themselves trying to juggle all the balls of meeting their own needs, controlling those around them, and caring for the needs of others.

Although codependency is a complicated condition and there is no predicting how it will play out in any given relationship, the following factors seem to be common to many codependent relationships:

• Your life centers on your partner.
• You are never good enough, regardless of how hard you try.
• You live to please people.
• You often enter into abusive relationships or relationships characterized by chemical abuse.
• You fear upsetting others, so you suppress your emotions.
• You feel smothered in the relationship the thought of leaving makes you feel guilty or scared.
• Your mood reflects the moods and behavior of your partner.
• You constantly feel disrespected or unappreciated or both.
• You constantly place your partner’s needs above yours.
• You are unable to set proper boundaries.
• You experience frequent anxiety or depression.

How Christian Counseling for Codependency Can Help

Whether you are trying to leave a codependent relationship but just don’t know how, or whether both you and your partner are seeking to recover, Christian codependency counseling can provide you with the help you are seeking. Our counseling methods include:

• Psychotherapy – this will help you to discover and deal with elements of your past that helped bring on codependency.
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy – this helps you become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behavior so you can get a handle on them and take responsibility for your life, your behavior, and your attitude.
• Family counseling – it can help families mired in codependency to stop toxic patterns of behavior, bring about healing, and construct solid relationships.
• Marriage counseling – this is for married couples who ensnared by codependency who want to stop the damaging behavioral patterns in their relationship.

Your counselor will examine your situation and come up with a treatment plan that fits your particular needs. Though the approaches may differ with the situation, some common goals are:

• Improving self-care.
• Setting boundaries.
• Ending controlling behaviors.
• Finding ways to help others in productive ways.
• Gaining a better understanding of family patterns.
• Working through issues of poor self-esteem.

Christian codependency counseling will show you that:

You are made in God’s image:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27

Your trust should be in God, not in man:

The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe. – Proverbs 29:25

Everything has a purpose:

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.– Romans 8:28

God loves you:

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8

The goal of the counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling is to provide you the help that you need to find a fulfilling, purpose-filled life that fits with your worldview. Christian codependency counseling is intended to draw you away from always seeking the approval of those around you and to refocus your attention on seeking God’s approval of your person and your relationships.

Is recovery from codependency possible?

Absolutely! Codependency is quite common, and a lot of codependents acquire new behaviors and thought patterns that over time bring about healing.

What is the duration of Christian codependency counseling?

Christian codependency counseling is dependent on how well you respond to the therapy, how serious you are about recovery, and how extreme your symptoms are. Because of this, we do not place time limits on the counseling. At the first meeting, your counselor will discuss with you what you wish to get out of the counseling, and they will provide support and help as long as you need them to.

How can I locate the right Christian counselor for me?

It is critical that you are comfortable with whatever counselor you select and you should select one who has experience with treating codependency and other related issues. Please browse the profiles on our website to find a counselor who meets your needs.

Are men and women equally affected by codependency?

Yes, although of the two, women are typically more likely to admit that they are codependent. Men, while equally affected by codependency, are usually more reluctant to admit that they need help. Our counseling can help people of any age, gender, or background.

Start down the road to recovery from codependency with Christian counseling.

If you’re tired of unhealthy relationships with yourself and others, Christian counseling for codependency can help. Call us today at
(509) 209-8961 or contact us online to schedule your risk-free initial session.