Couples with Dual Agendas: Spouses Leaning in and Leaning Out of Marriage
Jill Howard
How can a couple who is seeking help in marriage counseling have dual agendas? When half of the couple can finish this statement, “I only came because…”, there is a dual agenda. Quoting Bill Doherty, “When someone is drowning, they want a flotation device, not a swimming lesson.” What does having a “dual agenda” mean? Couples with dual agendas have one person who is ambivalent about marriage counseling as being a useful tool that will firmly lead them to decide to stay because they have already decided to leave. There are many reasons couples seek counseling when there is a dual agenda present. Perhaps there was already ambivalence about the...
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