Infidelity and Affairs

What God has joined together, let no one separate. – Mark 19:9

When you first got married, you made vows to stay with your spouse for life. You probablythought the idea of either of you having an affair was impossible, or at least highly unlikely.

Sadly, infidelity is fairly common, affecting nearly 25% of couples at some point during the course of the relationship.

Though that statistic is heartbreaking, couples actually have a very good chance of surviving an affair. At Spokane Christian Counseling, we have seen couples enter infidelity counseling with dashed dreams for their marriage and yet they come through the process with a much stronger relationship and great anticipation for their future.

What is Infidelity?

What exactly counts as infidelity? Does a person have to have sexual intercourse or is kissing someone other than your spouse considered cheating? Sometimes people grapple with these kinds of questions, but let’s be honest – most people know when they are crossing emotional or sexual boundaries outside of their marriage. When that happens, they seek to hide the details of their extramarital relationship from their spouse. As Christians, God wants us to break away from excuses that justify any form of infidelity, so that we can build marriages based on loyalty, trust, and lifelong dedication to our spouse.

Why do People Have Affairs?

If you discovered your partner had an affair, you might think, How could this happen? Sometimes it can be hard to understand how your relationship got to this point and what could have motivated your spouse to be unfaithful. You might even blame yourself. In reality, there are a lot of reasons why people have affairs, usually involving sexual and emotional factors such as:

• Persistent, unresolved marital conflict.
• Unfulfilled sexual needs.
• Emotional disconnect between spouses.
• Sexual addiction and love addiction.
• Crossing the line from platonic friendships into romantic ones, either online or in the workplace.
• Social context where infidelity is commonplace and acceptable.

For infidelity recovery to be possible, both partners have to be ready to discuss the affair honestly. Understanding why the affair happened is fundamental to healing. Getting clear on this matter can help the betrayed spouse move forward, while allowing the involved spouse the ability to express themselves and better understand the deeper emotional issues that may have influenced their behavior.

Talking about these emotionally-charged issues can lead to a lot of unnecessary hurt and conflict, and can be nearly impossible at times without third-party intervention. Christian counseling for infidelity recovery is a safe place for couples to explore these sensitive issues.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. – Psalm 55:22

Genuine infidelity recovery requires a lot of effort and commitment from both partners, but with mutual dedication, healing is possible. Though the road ahead might seem impossible to journey, through Christ and good Christian counseling, you have the support and tools you need to traverse this path together. If you stay the course, you will find the reward is greater than you ever imagined.

Did you know — Most couples survive an affair; many of whom come out stronger and more committed.

How is this possible? Despite the damage caused, sometimes experiencing a marriage relationship on the brink of destruction motivates people to renew their commitment with their spouse.

Can Counseling Save My Marriage?

At Spokane Christian Counseling, we have seen couples successfully work through infidelity time and time again. Sometimes couples come to us who have tried to work things out on their own for years, but were unable to get ahead because of the pain and deeply embedded problems that each person carried. Once they got professional help from trained Christian counselors, they found the tools and guidance they needed to be able to finally resolve their trust issues and hurt.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

As an organization of faith-based counselors, we are confident in the truth of God’s promises. We wholeheartedly believe that God can take any broken situation and do what seems impossible – not only can He restore gaping crevasses, but He can make the bond even stronger than it was before. With our holistic approach to marriage wellness, we offer healing that goes beyond what can be offered in secular counseling groups. Through faith in Christ and Bible-based tools for healthy marriages, Spokane Christian Counseling has seen couples through the most dire of situations.

What Can I Expect During Infidelity Counseling?

Each couple has their own story and needs for recovering from infidelity. For most, marriage counseling after an affair is very similar to counseling for trauma. The betrayed spouse might even suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. To combat the intense fear and trust issues after an affair, one of the most important components is a mutual dedication to truth and transparency. Rebuilding trust after an affair can take a lot of work, but with Christian counseling led by God, all things are possible.

Is it Possible to Rebuild Trust After an Affair?

One of the hardest things for couples after infidelity is dealing with trust issues. No matter how hard the betrayed spouse tries, despite the best efforts of the involved spouse, it can be very hard to let go of the intense feelings of fear and insecurity that marital affairs can cause. Once the foundation of trust is broken, it can take years of dedication and honesty to rebuild the damage. If both partners commit to healing, Christian counseling can help you start anew.

The process of rebuilding trust after an affair includes:

• Accountability – Infidelity is never okay, no matter the circumstances. The involved spouse needs to be willing to show real accountability and try to understand the devastation it caused their spouse and relationship.
• Willingness to risk hurt – Only the betrayed knows howtough it can be to open your heart again after such a heart-rending discovery that your marriage has been invaded. Despite the risk, if the betrayed spouse is willing and able to take a leap of faith, the pain and fear they experience will subside over time as the involved spouse works toward restoring trust.
• Asking and answering questions – The involved spouse must be willing to answer questions pertaining to the affair during counseling. The betrayed will learn how to ask healthy questions rather than use accusations and other damaging language.
• Setting realistic expectations – For the betrayed partner, this means understanding that healing and forgiveness is a process. It is not uncommon for more information to surface after you thought you knew all the details. Focusing on the big picture of recovery is important. On the other hand, the involved spouse needs to evaluate their expectations of marriage, some of which might be irrational and may have led to the affair in the first place.
• Forgiveness – Through Christian counseling for infidelity recovery, the hope is for both partners to move away from how they have hurt each other and toward forgiveness and new beginnings.

The journey ahead may seem long and daunting. We agree that the commitment to restoring broken bonds can be a tedious process – but we wholeheartedly believe that it is worth it, and God is able. At Spokane Christian Counseling, we are here to offer faith and hope for the redemption and healing of your relationship.

Take advantage of this opportunity to restore the oneness in your marriage. Contact us today to schedule your risk-free initial session.

To learn more about Christian counseling for infidelity recovery or to schedule an appointment, simply contact us online or give us a call at 509-209-8961.