5 Ways to Help Solve Marriage Problems

Almost every couple starts their marriage journey full of optimism. Often, they attended premarital counseling and they may even own a few books on the subject. They possess the intellectual knowledge of what God’s idea of being a good husband or wife looks like, and don’t have too many concerns surrounding the future success of their union.

A few months or years down the line, it is common for these same people to either individually or mutually recognize, with some degree of realization, that they have run into marriage problems. It can be hard for them to put their finger on what went wrong, or to even assess exactly what is wrong.

Every person is different and will handle conflict in a specific way. Sometimes there are significant explosions or relational erosion and the cracks can no longer hold. Wise couples are able to seek counseling at this point (or, wiser yet, way before this point has been reached) and this is when they can start to take action towards solving some of the issues that are coming between them.

5 ways to help solve marriage problems.

Solving marriage problems can be surprisingly simple if both spouses are equally committed to doing what it takes to effect positive change. Five ways to help include:

1. Make love a priority, especially for the wife.

In Ephesians 5, Paul gives instructions for Christian households, and he instructs husbands as follows:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. – Ephesians 5:25-30, NIV

The word “love” is repeated five times in this verse, and is the single instruction given. Clearly, it is very important for men to prioritize showing love to their wives. It also may not feel as natural for men to show love towards their wives as it is for women to demonstrate acts of loving affection.

For husbands looking to solve marriage problems, actively showing love to their wives, according to their spouse’s unique love language (gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time) is an excellent step in the right direction.

2. Make respect a priority, especially for the husband.

At the end of Ephesians 5, Paul repeats again the call for husbands to love their wives as they love themselves and then adds: “and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, NIV) Clearly, it is important for a man to receive respect from his wife. There is something intrinsic about this characteristic that makes it helpful in building a strong marriage.

Respecting one’s husband may sound like an outdated notion, but the truth is that both spouses should be equally respectful towards each other in order to prevent marriage problems. Wives, however, need to be cautious that they do not tend towards disrespect, which comes easily and is linked to the curse given to Eve after disobeying God, that her desire would be to rule over her husband (Genesis 3:16).

There is said to be nothing more fragile than the male ego, and a wife who is looking to work on her marriage should try to do everything she can to affirm and encourage her husband that he is admirable in her sight. The respect of a wife can boost a male in powerful ways, and will also lead to him responding with love and affection.

3. Open up channels of communication.

A husband and wife experiencing marriage problems almost always have communication issues too. Often, we keep our feelings to ourselves and assume that our spouse knows exactly how we feel. Without opening clear lines of communication, loving and respectful gestures can be lost, which makes one or both parties give up trying. When communication nearly always ends up in conflict, spouses withdraw and the relationship breaks down.

There are a number of practical principles involved in healthy communication. It will require a degree of self-control to establish this environment in marriage, but the rewards are well worth it. Good communication requires both parties to listen carefully to what the other person says and to be slow and thoughtful in response. To ensure that each person is understood, a good practice is for the listening spouse to repeat back what they have heard, word for word.

4. Keep up the maintenance work required.

Another element of marriage that is taken for granted is the fact that a good marriage requires constant investment. While this is also a commonly stated principle, putting it into action can be harder than it seems. When the pace of life is extremely fast, and children take priority, marriage problems can creep in unnoticed.

A strong marriage needs both partners to see it as something to be treasured and looked after, just in the same way a person would care for a beloved home or garden. Many counselors suggest a regular date night in order to keep up this maintenance habit or to take up a joint hobby to share recreational time together. The point is less about what you do, but rather about the regularity with which you do it, and how the time is guarded.

5. Pray for your spouse daily.

Prayer should never be at the bottom of the list. Praying for your spouse daily can foster resolution. It can be hard to pray for someone whom you feel resentment towards, and this is often the case in a strained marriage. However, God does not require anything from us except our honesty and humble hearts.

If you are struggling in your marriage, set aside a daily time to pray for it and bring all your petitions before the Lord. Ultimately, we are responsible for honoring our spouse out of our desire to obey God, which should be our motivating force in overcoming marital strife. There are countless testimonies of the power of prayer in marriage, and this element needs to be prioritized before any other practical intervention is put in place.

You are not helpless, and you are not alone.

Marriage problems can arise from a wide variety of issues. Money, parenting, parents-in-law, undesirable friends, and household division of labor are just a few common points of contention. God uses marriage to sanctify us and to make us more like Jesus.

This is completely different from the world’s view of marriage, emphasizing romance and compatibility. Marriage is a way of showing us our sin and giving us numerous opportunities to confess, both to God and to our spouses.

Of course, marriage also serves the purpose of providing companionship and a safe environment for children to be raised. It can bring mutual joy when the elements above are intentionally incorporated. Without a firm commitment and dedicated investment, it is all too easy for a marriage to fall into a state of disrepair.

When it is not carefully guarded, spouses fall prey to all kinds of temptation; and no person should ever consider themselves or their spouse above the temptation of adultery. The surest way to uphold a marriage in which each partner is faithful is to put the solutions above into practice.

Two sinners living together will always have difficulties, but when we see our marriage as something far bigger than we are, we will have the perspective to give it the attention and care it needs. You don’t have to do this alone.

The counselors or marriage coaches in our office can meet with you individually or with your spouse to help you solve your marriage problems. Call us to set up an appointment. We are here for you.