Conversation Topics For Couples To Keep The Fire Burning

We are better connected to each other and the world around us than previous generations ever were. That is true, at least, if you look at the statistics of how many texts are sent and calls made daily in the United States and globally.

With all the words being sent back and forth between people, you would think we would understand one another better, but a cursory look at the headlines indicates that this is not the case.

Whether on a global scale or in a single family, communication is important. That is how needs are known and that initiates taking steps to meet those needs. That is how conflict is resolved, and new understanding is forged. That is how connection is established and nourished, as well as restored.

In the beginning, most couples are not at a loss as to what to talk about. Conversation flows freely as the two get to know each other, as they try to discover more about this person that they find attractive and endlessly fascinating.

As time goes on, however, it can become difficult to get out of a rut in communicating. A couple can develop well-worn patterns of how to relate to each other, but these may be inadequate for maintaining a solid emotional connection.

Why couples need to converse more

When another person becomes part of the furniture of your life, so to speak, it can be easy to take them for granted, or at least for them to lose some of the shine they had at the beginning. This is not anyone’s fault, necessarily; when people and things are part of our lives, we tend to get used to them, and our reactions become muted.

Think of when you first met that special someone that you found attractive. Your heart probably pounded away in your chest, you may have found your palms sweaty, and you may have stammered something daft while trying all the while to look calm and composed. Perhaps you found yourself feeling distracted by thoughts of them all the time, and it may have affected your appetite and sleeping patterns.

That is likely not the same reaction you have toward them when you see them now, but that’s not a bad thing. As C.S. Lewis once wrote about this state of “being in love,”

Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense – love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.

The emotional and physical reactions a couple have toward each other at first may not remain the same after a while. However, that initial thrill can make room for a deeper, lasting sense of connection and mutual knowing.

But as Lewis mentioned, love in the Christian sense is not merely a feeling, but a commitment toward the good of the other person, and it needs to be cultivated and nurtured through deliberate habits of the heart and mind.

Couples need to converse more with each other because that is how they can maintain their emotional bond with one another. Those emotional bonds foster trust and a deep sense of security in the relationship. That bond is what allows you to know, deep in your heart of hearts, that your partner loves you, and that they are there for you. Knowing that helps you to speak openly about what is bothering you, to share your fears, dreams, and much else.

Couples also need to converse more with each other because of the reality of growth. The people that you were when you first met are not the same people you are today. People mature, they develop new interests or a deeper appreciation of old interests.

People have new experiences and encounters with other people and fresh situations, and they can change because of those interactions. Conversing and connecting allows you to remain abreast of that change.

Talking is the most effective way to build emotional bonds with a partner, and those conversations can be about past experiences, future goals, and the things you have in common. Not only that but talking openly allows you to address issues in the relationship. If you do not talk about them, resentment can take root in your relationship, poisoning it from the inside out. Resentment can erode an emotional connection significantly.

Life can get quite busy, and it can be easier to simply default to talking in ways that will help you fulfill the various obligations life together brings about. Talking about schedules, chores, tasks like doing the taxes, school runs, and so on can dominate a couple’s conversation, which does not leave much room for talking about the things in their hearts and the things that hold deep meaning for them.

Some topics of conversation for couples

Let’s say that you are on board with the idea that you and your partner need to talk more about the stuff that matters and that builds an emotional connection. The question may linger: “Okay, so what do we talk about?” Each couple will have its own dynamic, and areas of interest to them. Some couples will be able to carve out time each week, or each day, to sit down and talk deeply.

Whatever your circumstances, the key thing in forging an emotional connection is to be intentional about it and to be as open and empathetic as possible. Your conversation may be about mundane, silly, or profound things. Having an emotional connection with someone is about being able to share all of life with them and being able to talk about anything and everything under the sun.

Some topics of conversation that you can initiate to build an emotional connection include the following:

• What is one significant thing God has been teaching you lately?
• When were you first aware that you loved me?
• Do you think we spend enough time together?
• What is your favorite/least favorite household chore?
• If you were invited to, what advice would you give people who are dating, based on our marriage experiences?
• In what ways could I be a better wife or husband?
• Is there a hobby you would like us to take up together?
• How well do you think we are serving others in our community?
• Are there some areas in our life together where it is hard for you to be open and honest with me?
• What one thing have I never done for you that you wish I would do for you?
• What is your biggest dream, or the big, audacious goal in life that you barely whisper to yourself?
• Are there any character traits you strive for and wish you had?
• What do you believe are your gifts or talents?
• What predictable things about me do you really like?
• Are there things that I do for you that you do not want me to ever stop?
• Have you ever needed me to take the initiative on something, but I failed to?
• Do I sometimes make you feel more like a competitor than a partner?
• Describe what your perfect day would look like
• What about the world around us brings you joy?
• Is there now, or has there been any unresolved conflict in our relationship? How has it damaged our relationship?
• What makes you feel most fulfilled or happiest as a husband or wife?
• What are the times or seasons in life when you need assurance of my love the most?
• Do you have any desires that we have never discussed?

These topics range from daily chores and hobbies to unfulfilled desires to one’s deepest-held dreams and goals. That is because as individuals, we carry these with us all the time. Having an emotional connection means being able to talk about everything in an open way and being receptive to each other.

If you and your partner struggle to talk to one another, perhaps due to ongoing conflict, it may be beneficial to speak to a couples or marriage counselor to help you overcome that struggle.