Successful Aging: How Your 50s, 60s and 70s Can Be Your Best Years

The large sanctuary of the church was already full ten minutes before the service. The guest of honor was not a celebrity or a young motivational speaker. She had turned ninety only a few weeks earlier and then passed away in her sleep. Those gathered to celebrate included her still-vibrant, though aging, ninety-two-year-old husband, and family members from four generations.

However, it also included hundreds of people from various ages and walks of life. What was it that caused her and her husband to have such a following at an age when most people stagnate and isolate? It seems that they had found some keys to successful aging. In many ways, their later years were their best!

I recently read the proposition that our three most fruitful decades could be our fifties, sixties, and seventies. Is that true? Is that even possible?

We live in a culture that idolizes youth, physical fitness, fame, and achievement. The not-so-subtle message that many of us internalize is this: “As I age, my value as a person is on a steep path of depreciation, never to get better. So, perhaps as I get older, less physically able, and way past my potential to be a hip YouTube influencer. As I continue aging, I must resign myself to be put out to pasture and await the inevitable decline in connection or purpose. I can only hope I will have enough money to be comfortable.”

However, for many cultures, the opposite is true. The most influential and respected members were the “elders.” Many Asian countries have the deeply ingrained belief that older citizens have a great deal to offer the community. They value the wisdom imparted by elders and treat them with profound respect.

In Native American culture, elders are considered the “wisdom-keepers” and are held in the highest regard. An African proverb illustrates this viewpoint with this beautiful expression: “A village without the elderly is like a well without water.”

A few years ago, I somehow graduated from middle age into that dreaded period that starts with the digit six. I am nearly that age that the Beetles once sang about; “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?” I initially found this stage of life quite challenging. I had been a teacher for four decades, raised a family, and coached teams to a few championships.

But I had now stepped away from coaching and sent our last kid to establish his own home. The job felt stale. It seemed that the years of adventure and ambition, of glorious trials and triumphs, were all in the rearview mirror. Was the party over? Was the rest of my life just a slow countdown to the nursing home?

Fortunately, I had a more hopeful view of the “aging years” imprinted in me. I had different expectations for the end game than a lot of my peers. I think that this was largely due to the great model provided by my parents. They were the unusual couple that I referred to earlier.

Mom and Dad lived a very active, impactful life in their prime. But, as they began aging, they didn’t fade into the background. Instead, they just shifted their focus and activities. To borrow from the biblical parable, they didn’t “bury their talents,” but reinvested in new ventures and multiplied the value of their “gifts.”

Keys to successful aging.

Here are some of the keys to “aging well” that I learned.

Realize your value is increasing!

As mentioned earlier, our culture fails to recognize the reality that, in many ways, your value increases as you age. Think of all these advantages, yes advantages, you have as an “elder”:

• In retirement, you have more flexible time. You don’t have the constant demands of young children or a career. As a teacher, I used to love what I could accomplish during spring break. Now, every week is spring break! Yes, I have more time for myself. I also now have more time to give to others.

• This varies for each person, but most Americans have far more freedom with their spending than they did in middle age. This can be used for travel and dream projects, but this can also be used to give generously to others. Our parents, for example, helped their grandkids with college tuition and interest-free loans for down payments on homes.

• Use your skills to bless the next generations. My mother was a teacher. After retirement, she continued to find ways to teach her grandchildren. That often meant taking them on educational tours of Mt. St. Helens, the Oregon Trail, or fossil digs in Alberta.

My father-in-law retired from his job as a shop teacher in his late fifties. He used the next few years to do major remodeling work on his children’s houses. Though they lacked the time, money, or skills to do it themselves, they had a need.

He was able to not only bless them by doing what he knew but got to spend more time with them as a result. My youngest son was so impressed with Grandpa Vern’s construction skills that he developed his own abilities that have made him a living.

• They say, that “there is no better teacher than experience.” That is one thing we have over those “young whipper-snappers.” We have often “been there, done that.” Hopefully, we have matured and learned from our mistakes. For many years, my wife and I led small groups in churches that were full of the twenties and thirties crowd.

In terms of how we dressed and talked, we certainly weren’t cool like them. However, they seemed hungry to hang out and learn from us. We could teach them things they couldn’t find in google searches. And we learned how to love them for who they were. We discovered that everyone loves to be loved, even when it comes from “grey hairs.”

Reallocate your resources.

When you have maximized your investments in one sector, consider how you might reallocate your “wealth” into a new area. This might apply to finances, but I am referring to your gifts, skills, and experience.

My father, who had been one of the coaches of the U.S. track team, agreed to be one of my assistants at my high school at the age of sixty-eight. Though certainly overqualified, his knowledge, skill, and reputation were invaluable to our team. He didn’t just advise but poured heart and soul into it.

Into his eighties, “Grandpa Coach” as they called him, was the most dynamic, enthusiastic, and popular coach on our team. He even served as a post-season coach for the school’s cross-country team that won a national championship. Without a question, he was a key ingredient that took our program from a “doormat” to a powerhouse.

Invest in relationships while aging.

Jesus said that we can boil all of the Scriptures down to two great commandments: loving God, and loving people. Eventually, every material thing will decay or end up owned by someone else. So, He challenged us to “Store up your treasure in heaven…for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:20-21. There is no greater treasure than relationships.

My parents didn’t become more isolated in their grandparent years. If anything, they became more engaged! They were at every grandchild’s birthday, sporting event, or concert. My children not only expected them to be there, but when the phone would ring afterward, they all knew it would be Grandpa Tracy calling to tell them how amazing they were.

Not surprisingly, as we invest more in others, they also invest more in us. Rather than seeing our circle shrink, we may see it expand. When we give, we unwittingly “pay it forward” and often end up receiving in greater measure down the road.

Continue to learn, grow and experience new things while aging.

In his late fifties, my father retired from teaching, bought an orchard, and became a farmer. He didn’t know what he was doing. However, he was determined to learn this new skill as well as he knew coaching and teaching. It took a few years, but eventually, Walters Fruit Ranch became one of the most successful orchards in the area. As a result, thousands of people came to know “Farmer Walters” that never knew him as a coach.

My parents were nearly eighty when they decided to take their adult children on a six-day rafting trip, literally down “The River of No Return.” We did return, but it was the experience of a lifetime! For my parents, “late” was never “too late.”

In their later years, my mom and dad also experienced a profound new spiritual awakening. They got involved in Bible studies, went on mission trips, and helped to organize a homeless program. I saw them grow even more loving and generous. Rather than getting bitter and cranky, they got sweeter and more grateful.

Disclaimer: To be fair, most of us cannot measure up to the standard of social energy and uber-achievement of my parents. However, all of us have things to offer. How can we use our time? What are our resources and skills? How can we best offer these to others? How can we leverage our limitations into new opportunities? I may be more wrinkled and much slower, but as the Monty Python character said, “I’m not dead yet.”

Finally,how can we keep growing?

As Dallas Willard said, “In the end, what really matters is not what we achieve, but who we become.” We don’t have to be stuck with who we are. We are still “becoming.” 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, “Do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” Rather than fade into irrelevance we may become more valuable as we mature. Then, like an elder in Africa, perhaps we too can become a lifegiving, wellspring of water in our village.

As it turns out, one of my attempts at “successful aging” has been to start a new career as a Mental Health Counselor. Not surprisingly, I have worked with several older adults like me who are wading through changes in relationships, careers, health, and identity. Many of them are not only surviving but finding new meaning and connection.

For help with these or other issues, contact me or the many other counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling or our sister offices elsewhere. We can partner with you in your quest to make your remaining decades your best.