Why Can’t I Stop Drinking Alcohol? Finding Support

The other day, I called a close friend to chat. Our conversation drifted to a mutual friend of ours who has been struggling with alcohol problems for many years. In the past, both of us have approached him gently encouraging him to seek help. His alcohol issue has affected all aspects of his life.

Reasons why some cannot stop drinking alcohol

If you have a loved one or close friend struggling with an alcohol problem, then you understand the pain that it causes both of us. My friend asked me the same question that has been asked countless times: “Why can’t he stop drinking alcohol?” Although I may not have the exact answer, let me offer several explanations for why people continue to drink alcohol despite all of the negative consequences.

Motivation and precontemplation

For individuals to stop drinking alcohol, they must be ready, willing, and able to do so. Sometimes, people with alcohol use disorder are not ready and willing, because they do not believe that they have a problem with drinking.

If they do not believe there is an issue, they will not accept another’s request to change their drinking. Other drinkers may think that something is wrong with them, but they do not know what it is, so they continue to drink unable to see the truth.

Genetics

Individuals with an alcohol use disorder may have a genetic predisposition toward alcohol. While studying twins, adopted children, and families, researchers have discovered that genetics increases the risk of developing alcohol use disorder (Glordano, 2021). However, they have not pinpointed an exact gene that contributes to an individual developing an alcohol use disorder (Glordano).

Co-occurring mental health issue

There is a high comorbidity between alcohol and certain types of mental illness, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (“PTSD”), schizophrenia, and some personality disorders. Individuals with depression or anxiety disorders may consume alcohol to get rid of their depressive or anxious symptoms. Unfortunately, these individuals may develop alcohol-induced depression or anxiety symptoms.

It is therefore difficult to determine what came first the mental health or the substance use symptoms. Individuals with PTSD may drink alcohol to rid themselves of unpleasant memories; avoid trauma-related thoughts, feelings, and remainders; quiet the self-blame for traumatic events; and slow their hyperarousal.

Individuals with schizophrenia often consume alcohol to silence noisy voices in their heads, hide their confused thinking, and/or fit in with others socially. Individuals with Cluster B personality disorders tend to drink due to being impulsive, dramatic, or self-destructive.

Economics

Economic factors also can play a significant role in individuals developing an alcohol use disorder. Lack of housing or constantly moving can affect one’s economic and mental health stability. Poverty from loss of a job, permanent disabilities, and poor job skills can factor into an individual developing an alcohol use disorder.

Constant mental and physical health concerns, like coping with COVID-19, could weigh on an individual’s overall well-being. Regardless of the environmental factor, an individual can develop an alcohol use disorder when it is used as an escape because they feel trapped by their overwhelming circumstances and do not see a way out. As a result, the individual becomes trapped in the illusion that alcohol will solve or at least help them cope with their problems.

Subjective

Subjective factors are factors that are hard to measure, not easily defined, and hard to notice. For example, a teenage girl might feel judged by her peers, because she does not meet their standards for an ideal body type. Self-esteem is another subjective factor. A person may not meet the definition of clinical depression, but he or she may have poor self-image or self-worth.

Another common subjective factor is grief. Everyone deals with problems differently, and individuals may turn to alcohol to cope with their imperfections, poor self-esteem, and inability to handle grief, to the point where they have difficulty stopping.

Culture

Culture may also make it difficult for an individual to stop drinking alcohol. If everyone surrounding a person with an alcohol issue drinks, it is challenging to quit. If a person goes to places where alcohol is served, it may be tough to stop going to those places.

If alcohol is related to activities, it can be hard to discontinue those activities. In other words, because humans are creatures of habit, it can be mentally grueling to give up alcohol, especially when it has been a major part of one’s life.

Relationships

Related to culture, family roles can impact one’s inability to part ways with alcohol. Mental health professionals studying family structures have discovered patterns in family structures. For example, if the paternal great-grandfather, grandfather, father, maternal grandfather, and maternal aunt had an alcohol use disorder, the combination of genetics and cultural factors could likely increase the odds of future family members developing alcohol use disorder.

In a chemically dependent family, there are various types of chemically dependent persons, such as the enabler, hero, scapegoat, mascot, and lost child/passive adult. A chemically dependent person has a major problem with alcohol that affects the entire family.

The hero may succumb to a significant issue of alcohol later in life because they face enormous pressure to perform, be perfect, and raise the family status through his or her high performance, prestige, and status.

The scapegoat may develop an alcohol use disorder and struggle with refraining because the family blames this individual for the family problems. Mascots may experience further problems with alcohol because their role is to provide comic relief to divert attention from their interpersonal pain.

Lost child/passive adults feel nonexistent and do not express their needs to their family, because the family is dealing with other challenges. As a result, the lost child/passive adult develops poor self-esteem, worth, and image leading to maladaptive coping with alcohol to drown his or her sorrows.

Related to the family factor, there may be relational issues between a couple. A couple may have lost that loving feeling. Perhaps, a wife feels neglected by her husband, or a husband feels underappreciated by his wife to improve their family life. A couple may have poor communication skills leading to a negative perspective of each other and constant conflict.

Criticism and contempt become commonplace as each partner defends his or her position. As a result, a couple does not know when to take breaks and calm themselves down. Open wounds fester as a couple becomes embittered. Because of the constant fighting, a partner turns to alcohol for comfort. Thus, the drinking problem gets added to the problems between the couple.

Medical

The medical community treats alcohol use disorder as a disease. Neurologically, excessive use of alcohol changes the structure and functioning of the brain. They believe that one’s character flaws or lack of willpower play little or no role in sustaining one’s addiction to alcohol. Instead, alcohol affects parts of the brain creating pleasure, negative effects on withdrawal, and the anticipation of alcohol creating pleasure once again (Hazelden/Betty Ford Clinic, 2021).

Spiritual

Since we live in a broken world, people try to fill the spiritual void that they feel with anything. Something happened to them that caused them to disconnect from God, or perhaps they were never raised in a religious community. If they did grow up in a religious community, someone may have betrayed their trust by taking advantage of them.

People are often ostracized for other’s behaviors leading to a deep sense of shame in the affected individual. Poor communication might have caused someone to feel judged and disrespected. An individual may become distraught with no sense of meaning in his or her life.

Conclusion

Why people cannot stop drinking is a complex question with no clear answers. Individuals can develop an alcohol use disorder for a variety of reasons. Multiple factors can play a role in an alcohol use disorder and its sustainment. Even though science has come a long way in the last one hundred years, we still cannot pinpoint the exact cause.

Christians are aware that drunkenness is one of the “acts of the flesh” (Galatians 5:19, 21, NIV). We also know that alcohol has some medicinal purposes as evidenced in I Timothy 5:23 and our current knowledge of alcohol as an antiseptic. The use of alcohol is a source of intense discussion and a controversial topic among Christians.

It is not my place to judge individuals who use alcohol regularly or those who choose to abstain. Rather, it is important to understand why people struggle with their use of alcohol. It is our job to tell the truth with a heavy emphasis on love “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, NIV).

We all struggle with something. Sometimes, it is difficult to unpack everything alone and sort through the various layers of a complex problem. If you suspect that you might have an issue with alcohol, one of our skilled counselors would be happy to help you.