Qualities of a Healthy Godly Man

Every year, Lake Superior State University publishes a list of banned words. The purpose of this list is to eliminate overused and misused words that have been drained of their meaning (LSSU, Jan. 1, 2025). In the mental health profession, some words are overused and misused frequently: narcissist, borderline, gaslighting, and toxic masculinity.

The overuse and misuse of these words lead to confusion among clients and frustration among mental health professionals. The internet and the advent of social media add to the frustration as millions of individuals with little or no mental health training diagnose other people with mental health issues.

In this article, this writer will tackle only one of these overused and misused words: toxic masculinity. Recently, Christian Counseling Today devoted an entire issue to Reclaiming Masculinity (Summer, 2025). In this issue, several Christian mental health professionals tackle many of the issues and struggles of men.

What the Godly Man Isn’t

However, rather than adding an opinion to the thousands of already different opinions present in the public arena, this writer asks the question of what role a godly man plays in today’s society.

Griffin and Wolt (2024) describe the world’s view of men through the lens of sexuality: “Have as much sex as possible whenever possible with as many hot and different women as possible with as little connection as possible with as big of [an endowment] as possible, [and last as long as possible].”

Examples of this would be Nick Cannon with twelve children and Elon Musk with fourteen children by several different women (Moupriya, May 20, 2025). Unfortunately, this type of behavior leads to broken homes, substantial child support payments, absent fathers, an increase in sexually transmitted diseases, attachment issues in relationships, and a skewed view of healthy sexuality.

Some view men as the holders and dispensers of power (Brown & Ismail, 2019). According to these individuals, when men misuse their power, it leads to the subjugation of women through sexual assault, interpersonal violence, sexual harassment, and other forms of emotional and physical intimidation (Brown & Ismail).

Because of the misuse of their power, they believe that societies have become male-oriented and male-dominated (Id.). Thus, the goal of these individuals is to destabilize patriarchal societies and make them more equitably based. Unfortunately, this approach leads to the demonization of all men, and the pendulum can swing too far toward women.

As a result, this demonization of all men creates a one-up, one-down approach between men and women. Because we are incapable of remedying all past injustices throughout history, it is impossible to meet the subjective standards of these individuals. Nevertheless, it does not mean that we cannot address current problems.

Traditional vs. Modern Views of Men

Because of the increasing expectations placed on men, men are faced with increasing cognitive dissonance. On one hand, men are traditionally viewed as being strong, stoic, completive in everything, and avoiding appearing feminine. Frequently, men are told to “man up,” suppress their pain, and are rewarded by society for their silence (Timberlake, 2025). This suffering in silence leads to depression, hopelessness, and loneliness (Timberlake).

On the other hand, there is pressure for men to be softer, cooperate with others, be completely open to their emotions, and adopt feminine characteristics. When men adopt these characteristics, they are criticized by other men (M. I. Black, Feb. 21, 2018).

Black argues that men either withdraw from society or rage and act out. This dissonance between traditional and modern views of manhood causes men to feel inferior, emasculated, weak, vulnerable, confused, and dissatisfied. Both extremes of manhood miss God’s vision for man.

Marriage and the Godly Man

In his covenant with Noah and his sons, God told him to “be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth” (Genesis 9:1, NIV). However, the apostle Paul states, “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband” (I Corinthians 7:2, NIV). Hebrews teaches, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (13:4, NIV).

In other words, God does not oppose frequent sex and large families, but God calls us to keep sex within a marriage. Sex requires a deep connection found in a strong marital relationship. Sex is meant to develop a deep attachment to one other person. Sex portrayed in adult films is debased, inaccurate, unrealistic, and often traumatic. Ideally, God wants solid homes where there is a mother and father present with love shared between spouses.

The apostles Paul and Peter discuss how men should treat their wives. Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:7, NIV). Peter tells husbands to “treat them with respect” (I Peter 3:7, NIV). Interpersonal violence, abuse, cohesion, and sexually assaulting one’s spouse are clear examples of mistreating one’s wife.

Meekness and the Godly Man

In giving the qualifications of an elder and deacon within a church, Paul states the men are to be “not violent, but gentle (Meek)” (I Timothy 3:3, NIV). The apostle Paul lists the quality of gentleness (meekness) seven more times in his epistles.

Nevertheless, meekness does not equal weakness. From a Biblical perspective, meekness implies humility and gentleness. Meekness toward one’s wife is a demonstration of patience and the instilling of hope within her.

The world needs strong men who have a tender heart. As strong godly men, God wants them to “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy” (Proverbs 31:8-9, NIV) and “Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow” (Isaiah 1:17b, NIV).

There are countless examples of men protecting their daughters when someone tries to harm them. Godly men jump into action when they see something wrong.

Awe and the Godly Man

Godly men inspire the emotion of awe. Godly men know that there is only one God and that they fall short of His glory. However, godly men know the awe of their Creator, the reverence of His words found in the Bible, and the wonders of his creation. Godly men worship their Maker wherever they go. Developing this sensation of awe leads their children to develop a moral compass (Song, Li, & Xiang, 2024).

Godly men take care of their own business. They “lead quiet lives and work with their hands” as the apostle Paul directed in I Thessalonians 4:11 (NIV). Godly men learn to live at peace with everyone in their community. They are held in high esteem. Their business is to provide for and manage their household. Godly men ask their wives for advice and accept their wives’ input in making decisions.

As godly men follow Jesus Christ, they agree to a willingness to sacrifice their lives for their family and friends. On the battlefield, soldiers dive on top of grenades to save their fellow soldiers from harm. At home, godly men sacrifice their own health, sleep, and comfort to put food on the table. These often sacrifices go unrecognized except for God who sees everything.

In Summary

In summary, a godly man is a man who is dedicated to only one woman at a time. He loves that woman very much. This man does not mistreat her. Instead, he honors her and encourages her to be the best version of herself. A godly man connects with his wife physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He exerts strength by protecting her and providing for her.

Relying on his “helper,” this man shares his heart with his wife because he knows that she is his keeper and the gatekeeper to his heart full of his worries, stresses, hopes, and aspirations. A godly man knows that God created his “helper” so that he does not have to suffer in silence. He displays gentleness and models humility.

This man defends those in need. A godly man searches God’s Word to find awe and adoration in His Creator and the world that He has created. He takes care of his business and tries to manage everything in his home. This man listens to his wife and accepts her influence as they create and maintain a godly home together.

Next Steps

If you are a man struggling to find your place in this world, mistreated and criticized by those around you, or tired by the burdens of this world, we invite you to talk to one of the counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling. We would like to help you to become a strong godly man.