8 Helpful Tools for Coping with Grief

Grief is a consuming experience that affects a person completely, particularly if they are dealing with the loss of a spouse, child, parent, or other close family member. Coping with grief is something that might feel impossible at times, and walking this road with a trained biblical counselor is a good way to connect to someone familiar with the emotions that grief brings who can also point us toward Scripture, and the God who sees us, loves us, and heals our hurts.

Helpful tools for coping with grief

Christian counselors might use many ways to help those coping with grief. While every person’s grief journey is unique, some commonalities exist as the loss produces a relational separation and misery that impacts every aspect of the person’s life. Ways to help a person going through the pain of grief include:

Assure them their feelings are normal

People at the beginning of their grief journey need reassurance that their intense, varying emotions are completely normal. What is also completely normal is that there is no “normal” pattern or prescriptive emotion that they will feel.

Grief infiltrates every aspect of a person’s being, on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level, and it can be helpful for this assault to be acknowledged. They should also be assured that feeling the pain of grief and not avoiding or suppressing it is absolutely critical.

Help the person coping with grief identify their emotions

Biblical counselors will often give a checklist of different emotions to clients who are attending grief counseling. Often, the individual’s feelings are like a tangled ball, and putting it down on paper in this simple manner can help them identify their current emotions.

The different emotions that are commonly associated with grieving include shock and numbness, anxiety and panic, depression, sadness, regret, guilt, disbelief, denial, confusion, anger, and bargaining, among other things.

Suggest making use of a “linking object”

The pain of separation from a loved one is extremely hard to bear, and using a “linking object” can bring some degree of comfort. Individuals coping with grief can be encouraged to wear an item of clothing or another personal item that belonged to the person who has passed away. This can bring a sense of closeness to the person, which helps with the pain of not having them present anymore.

Encourage them to lament

God wants us to pour out our sorrow to him, and the biblical way of coping with grief is to lament. Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge”; while Psalm 88 begins: “Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry”, followed by an outpouring of David’s heart.

David shows the model for us – we don’t need to hide our feelings from God, but can tell Him exactly how we feel. He knows us intimately and, while He already knows exactly what we’re going through, He wants us to come before Him as His children, telling our good Father of our pain.

Find truth in God’s Word

Being comforted by and having one’s mind renewed by Scripture is central to coping with grief, and coming through the process having grown in faith and closeness to God is what is possible through God’s Word alone.

A grieving person can sometimes find it difficult to read and reflect on Bible passages, which is why it is helpful for someone else to do this with them. A biblically trained counselor will be able to share truths from God’s Word in a way that helps the individual reflect deeply, meditating on and applying them individually.

Share “coping with grief” resources

There are excellent resources available to help people who are coping with grief. GriefShare is an example of this, and numerous GriefShare support groups exist, usually offered by local churches, designed to bring together a small community of people who have experienced loss and who can grieve and grow together through the process in a healthy way.

Ensure they are surrounded by a caring community

The benefit of being part of a Christian community is that people who are coping with grief are not, and should not, be alone. At times of crisis and sadness, the body of Christ can minister to, serve, and love those in need. An individual who is grieving should be encouraged to avoid isolating themselves and urged to allow other Christians to walk alongside them during this time.

There are several ways in which people can serve according to their gifts – some can provide practical help such as making meals and helping the person with tasks such as packing away their loved one’s belongings, others can be a shoulder to cry on and a source of sympathy.

Help develop the habit of thought assessment

While initially, the individual coping with grief will be dealing with the shock and pain of their loss, in time a Christian counselor can help them to develop the habit of assessing their thoughts so that they can move forward in their lives without the deceased. This isn’t a process that can be rushed, but it also should not be omitted, because the goal is to grieve in a healthy way.

This means being able to continue (in time) with life, work, and personal relationships in a manner that isn’t just surviving but living in the present. Thought assessment includes learning how to walk in truth and faith, rather than being driven entirely by feelings. It’s about stopping and pausing when they feel tempted to fall into despair, and focusing on having their mind renewed by Scripture (Romans 12:2).

In time, give a new perspective on loss

When a person coping with grief has been well supported, and been able to lean into solid biblical counseling, the hope is that the suffering and pain will have helped them be further conformed to the image and likeness of Christ.

Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” God can use terrible circumstances and bring positive things out of them; things that have eternal value. A person who has been through grief and emerged with a new understanding of the Lord and His mercy can also be a great source of comfort and support to others who experience loss.

The world’s research-based model of the grief process includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While acceptance is the ultimate objective, what does that really bring, beyond being able to regroup and move on?

For Christians, the healing journey might look the same in terms of the suffering stages. What will be different is that during each emotion, the person coping with grief will be able to cry out to God, and receive His tangible grace and peace, even if it is just for the moment when they need it.

The healing will be substantially different, because through the wailing and waiting, God will give His mercy, and will work in the person’s heart so that they  reach a point where they praise and worship God; not because of what’s happened, but because of who He is, and how He has revealed a bigger picture of Himself to the person through their suffering. These are the promises that we can hold on to, which give us great hope, even in the midst of tragedy and loss.

If you are coping with grief, or know someone who is, it would be of great benefit to connect with a Christian counselor who can be a support along this journey. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment with one of the counselors at our location.