Scripture About Loss: Handling Disenfranchised Grief

Losing a loved one takes the life that you know and upends it dramatically. One day, this person is part of your life, filling various corners in the way only they can. But just like that, they are gone. Their humor, the way they argued with you, how they inspired or frustrated you, and the different ways they brought joy into your life – and you into theirs – may all feel like a dream, one that’s starting to fade at the edges.

Loss is hard to handle for a variety of reasons, even when the relationship was a complicated one. Scripture can be a huge help in processing loss, providing us comfort, encouragement, and often with the words to pray when we don’t know how to pray. It can be a helpful guide when we’re dealing with disenfranchised grief.

What is disenfranchised grief?

When most of us think of grief, we often don’t think that there are different kinds. However, the circumstances that accompany the loss can affect how you process that grief, and the kind of loss you experience may not always be recognized by others, which can mean that you aren’t provided with the support or room you need to grieve.

An example may be helpful. Sometimes, there are losses that stem from relationships or situations that carry a stigma. For instance, if a person has an abortion, or loses a loved one through a significant life change such as divorce, they won’t always find places of empathy where that loss is recognized, supported, or provided space to be felt and expressed.

The term ‘disenfranchised grief’ refers to the sort of grief that isn’t validated or supported by others. While you might feel the full weight of the loss, and grieve it as such, because of societal expectations, norms, or stigma attached to the situation, that grief isn’t acknowledged as grief or loss. When your experience of grief is disenfranchised, it can make a dark and hard time even darker and harder, increasing feelings of pain, shame, and isolation.

Disenfranchised grief will often occur in those instances when societal norms and expectations have been violated or not met. This includes situations such as non-traditional relationships like same-sex partnerships, friendships, ex-partners, or in cases of infidelity. Some losses may be hidden, and thus go unacknowledged, such as having a miscarriage, a stillbirth, or being infertile.

Some losses may not be seen as such depending on the communities you’re part of. Job loss, experiencing trauma, or ambiguous losses such as a loved one disappearing such that their fate is unknown or experiencing chronic illness may not always be viewed as losses. Additionally, if a marginalized community experiences losses specific to them, society might overlook such loss and not create space for them to express and work through that grief.

Disenfranchised grief is almost like piling one hurt atop another because not only do you experience the pain of losing a loved one, but you bear the weight of that loss not being acknowledged or validated, you may feel shame or experience stigma because of the nature of the loss, and you feel even more isolated as you bear the grief alone. All of this serves to intensify the emotional pain of that experience of loss.

Scripture About Loss

As you read the Bible, you’ll find out quite quickly that it records and describes human life and all that comes with it, including joy and heartbreak. The Bible can help you as you process loss, and it does that in several ways. There are stories of people who have encountered loss. Their lives, including their pain, are honored through the stories we read. We also hear their prayers to God and His words of comfort to them in their need.

There are many passages that you can go to as you seek comfort in your loss. Some Scriptures are reminders of the Lord’s goodness and presence. For example, amid distress, David prays, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8, NIV).

In other situations, we just need to know that our cries of anguish aren’t falling on deaf ears. This includes when it feels like we’ve lost friends, and people have turned against us. Again, in another place, David prayed, “Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God for to you I pray” (Psalm 5:1-2, NIV). A lament is a deep cry of anguish directed at God, asking Him to remedy something that’s gone horribly wrong.

There are other Scriptures about loss which include the following:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV

When we struggle, we don’t do so alone. God is our comfort, and He also works through others who comfort us in the same way they’ve been comforted by the Lord and others. Even if other people don’t show up to comfort you, the Lord is the God of all compassion and comfort, and He’ll have compassion on you and comfort you.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance – Ecclesiastes 3:1,4, NIV

As we reflect on life, we can recognize that there are seasons that we go through. Sometimes we are laughing, but at other times, things happen that cause us sorrow. An awareness of these realities can prepare us when we experience loss – we’re not alone in experiencing this loss, and it is a part of living life in our broken world.

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NIV

One fear we often have when we encounter loss is concern about what will happen to those we’ve lost. These verses, written to believers about other believers who had died, are meant to be a reminder of the hope they have in Christ. These verses, along with 1 Corinthians 15 and Revelation 21:1-4 remind us of the hope of resurrection, and the Lord’s power to set this world to rights.

There are many other Scriptures, like Psalm 34:18, Job 1:21, or John 11:35 that give us a window into grief, how the Lord loves us through it, and the words we can utter when we have none of our own.

Disenfranchised Grief and Scripture

In scripture, there are several stories we encounter that touch upon disenfranchised grief. As you read the stories, you might be feeling little to no sympathy for the people who find themselves in challenging situations. You might not acknowledge their grief, or the other people in the story may take up that role. One such story is that of David and Bathsheba.

This couple experienced the loss of the child they conceived in the wake of adultery and murder (2 Samuel 11-12). David married Bathsheba and she bore him a son, but that child died because of the contempt David had shown the Lord (2 Samuel 12:14). As a reader, you may feel that David and Bathsheba brought this upon themselves and refused to acknowledge their loss. However, it was a real loss, and Scripture tells us about their grief.

Another story of disenfranchised grief is that of Hannah. She was one of two wives to a man named Elkanah, and she was barren. Her husband, while he was well-meaning, wasn’t comforting to her in her distress. The other wife, Peninnah, had children, and she provoked Hannah to irritate her until she wept and could not eat. This happened for years, and Elkanah didn’t seem to intervene (1 Samuel 1).

Hannah had deep wounds from not being able to have children, and she was provoked by her rival for it. Your loss, like Hannah’s, may be an unconventional one, or one that doesn’t have the support of others around you. That doesn’t make the loss any less real, or worthy of grieving. Hannah wept over her loss, and the people around her seemed unable to recognize the full weight of what she was carrying.

Working Through Loss with Scripture

The Lord speaks to us through His Word, sharing His heart, His love, His comfort, presence, and kindness toward us. When you’re grieving, you can turn to Scripture to hear His voice. Scripture can also help you to weep and mourn, using the words of prayers from the Psalms, for example, as templates for your own prayers.

As you do this, you can also seek help from a Christian counselor who can help you to work through your grief and find healing. Contact our office today for more information and to schedule an appointment.