Marriage and Mastectomy: Overcoming Women’s Insecurities

Sometimes, there are situations we face that will forever change how we look. These situations are not something that we choose. They happen, and we are left to navigate through them without warning. When it comes to a change in our appearance (such as a mastectomy), women tend to face more anxiety. When it is a health issue that changes what they see in the mirror, it can escalate women’s insecurities.

Society deems beauty to be linked with success. This causes women to constantly battle the image in the mirror. Most of the time, that battle is with something that is seen as a flaw. There are, however, certain health issues that can change a woman’s body.

One of those health issues is breast cancer. Because of body image and societal norms, the effects of breast cancer can impact women’s insecurities. A diagnosis of breast cancer can feel like an attack on your womanhood. You may feel as though something is being stripped from you.

It is sometimes a fierce disease that leaves its mark in more ways than one. The dreaded words, “You have cancer,” ring in your ears for days or months. They will slowly fade until one day they are just a vague memory.

Initial Reactions to the Diagnosis

The first reaction to a diagnosis of breast cancer is usually fear. Fear of death, treatments, and future health become the issues that weigh heavily on a woman’s mind. A constant concern for our children and husbands runs through our minds, causing us to question every decision we make regarding treatment.

This will more than likely manifest as anxiety. It is human nature to worry when we think our family may be in danger. This is where we must turn our trust to God when He says He is with us.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4, ESV

Taking time to reflect on God’s word will allow us to begin thinking positively. Rather than start the process on a negative note, turn to God’s word to find the truth. There are many promises in the Bible about health and healing.

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise. – Jeremiah 17:14, ESV

Our thought process is triggered by emotions. If we react in fear, then our thoughts will be consumed with fear. Once we are thinking about all the negative aspects of something, we begin to believe they are true. That is why it is important to remain positive during the initial diagnosis. We must always choose to renew our thoughts according to God’s word. Stay focused on what He promises while we trust that He is in the middle of this chaotic time in our lives.

Surgical Decisions

Now that you know what you are facing, you may have to decide on the type of surgery you want to undergo. This may not be easy since you could be facing a mastectomy. You may choose a unilateral mastectomy, which means the removal of one breast, or there is the chance that you will face a bilateral mastectomy, which is the removal of both breasts. In either case, you can choose whether you want reconstructive surgery or use a prosthesis. This is not an easy decision for some women.

No matter what you choose, there will be scars. More than likely, they will be hidden should you choose to have reconstructive surgery performed. However, if you choose to use a prosthesis, there will always be a visible scar. Scarring affects people in many ways. Breast cancer scars can have a significant influence on women’s insecurities.

What She Sees: Women’s Insecurities

A woman who undergoes a mastectomy is instantly bombarded with feelings of inadequacy. She may feel like she is no longer a lovable woman. When she looks in the mirror, she will always be reminded of what she lost. Even if she has reconstructive surgery, she will be reminded that her body has changed because of the disease. She needs to remember that the outside is not what makes her valuable. God does not look to the outside.

Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 3:3-4, ESV

Sometimes the scars seem as though they are covered with a bright yellow highlighter. Unable to get past them, our focus remains locked on that part of us that is damaged. Before we know it, we are sucked into a dark cave of isolation because all we see is the scar.

Seeing something that triggers low self-esteem tends to be easier to remember than something that builds up the way we see ourselves. Remembering to love ourselves as God loves us doesn’t always come easily.

Aftermath and Intimacy

After chemotherapy and radiation have been completed, you may feel drained emotionally as well as physically. You may have no idea how to move past the scars, hair loss, and exhaustion. Your agenda starts with resuming a lifestyle you lived before cancer. Even though you may not look the same, you can continue to enjoy life as you did before chemo took its toll on your body. Turn to God’s word about what beauty is according to His design.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7, ESV

Becoming intimate once again triggers emotions and fears. You desire to continue to have the relationship you once enjoyed before cancer. However, battling the scars of breast cancer can linger in the mind, causing you to become distant from your husband.

Fear of what your husband may think about your scarred body can set off a desire to remain distant from him. Especially if you opted to use a prosthesis rather than reconstructive surgery. These are issues that compound women’s insecurities when it comes to mastectomies and marriage.

Acceptance

One way to tell that you have moved past the hesitation and shame of having a mastectomy is when you accept that you are a beautiful survivor of something that the enemy wanted to use to destroy you. Looking past the scar, you see that you are beautiful. Looking at the scar, you see that you are strong. Slowly but surely, you find that you are walking upright next to your husband rather than hidden behind the doors of isolation.

After all that you have been through physically, emotionally, and mentally, you can rest in the peace of knowing that God has plans for you. His promises outweigh the trials and struggles that you will face.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. – Psalm 23:6, ESV

Finding Support for Women’s Insecurities

If you have any concerns about how you are emotionally dealing with a mastectomy in your marriage, please reach out to a Christian counselor. Many are willing to help restore your self-esteem and find the beauty that God has placed inside you for such a time as this.