Uplifting a Depressed Husband

While women are said to suffer from depression twice as much as men, according to statistics provided by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), this is not necessarily the case, as men tend to be less likely to recognize or seek treatment for their struggles.

They may also mask their symptoms. Without the proper support and help, a depressed husband will inevitably turn to negative behaviors, which can lead to the breakdown of the marriage and other dysfunctionalities within the family unit.

Wives in this circumstance can often feel confused and frustrated, and can fall prey to anxiety and depression as well. For a Christian couple, there is no need to be subject to this emotional torment without seeking help.

A trained Biblical counselor will be able to help a depressed husband from a holistic perspective by both identifying if medication is needed and with regular counseling sessions where God’s Word can shed light on a way through the struggle, toward the joyful life that God has in store for us.

How to Support a Depressed Husband

If you are married to someone who is depressed, these are some of the steps you can take to support them in their journey toward healing.

Recognize the problem

Feelings of sadness, worthlessness, or guilt; loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities; changes in appetite or weight; changes in sleeping habits; fatigue and loss of energy; difficulty concentrating or making decisions; and thoughts of death or suicide are all symptoms of depression which need to persist, either on their own or as a combination, for a minimum of two weeks before a medical professional can diagnose clinical depression.

As a wife looking to help your depressed husband, an appointment with a physician is important to rule out any potential medical issues that could be the root cause of the symptoms. While women are more likely to reveal sadness, men tend to express depression through anger and aggression. This can also begin spending more time at work, or with friends, as a distraction.

Men are also more likely than women to abuse alcohol or other substances when depressed or engage in risk-taking activities. It can, therefore, be more difficult to bring them to a point of acknowledging their behavior changes and accepting that help is needed.

A correct diagnosis

Depression varies significantly in its severity. A major depressive disorder can be extremely debilitating, to the point where basic functions cannot be carried out, while psychotic depression includes delusional behavior and hallucinations. Minor depression includes less severe symptoms, while persistent depressive disorder (dysthymia) often spans over a lengthy period (several years) with milder symptoms.

Learning about what he is going through, and how he will have good days and bad days, can arm a wife with the knowledge she needs to offer the right kind of support to her depressed husband. Depression is not an illness that can generally be treated with drugs alone, and counseling will guide your partner through sessions that help uncover the root of the struggle.

While depression is complex, a number of the symptoms have to do with the way people think, react to adverse circumstances, or relate to others. Addressing pessimistic thinking, guilt, and personal problems is critical in breaking unhealthy cycles and forging a way forward.

The power of prayer

A wife’s prayers for her depressed husband are undoubtedly the most important part of his healing process. It can be extremely difficult to pray for yourself when struggling with depression, and so the prayers of those around you, especially those of a spouse, are what will carry a person through this type of trial.

Depression is not a new condition, and the Bible is full of characters who experience mental turmoil and who cry out to God to relieve them. David, Elijah, and Job are just three examples of men who are brought to their knees by “anguish of soul.” A praying wife wages war against depression with an indestructible weapon!

Available, low-key support

Living with a depressed husband can be extremely difficult for a wife, especially if she has not experienced something similar in her own life. Wives often find that they can be patient for a time, but then they reach their “expiration date” and want their husbands to snap out of the depression.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to snap out of it, but gradual improvements should be noted over time, provided they receive the right kind of counseling and medication, if necessary.

A supportive wife doesn’t have to say much, but can rather communicate in various ways that they are there for their spouse, are available to talk about things, if need be, and that they validate their feelings and empathize with what they are going through. A wife can also support her depressed husband by checking that they’re taking their medication and going to medical and counseling appointments.

A tidy environment

By keeping a living space clean and clutter-free, the wife of a depressed husband can help immensely, as physical mess and disorganization can be overwhelming for someone struggling with depression. They can also assist with additional administrative tasks if they are able to, to relieve their husband of some of the daily burden that they carry, to help them toward a quicker and more effective recovery.

Joint exercise

Light exercise is an excellent way to increase endorphins and boost one’s mood, and for someone struggling with depression, it can be the first step toward recovery. As it can be difficult to take this first step when you’re feeling depleted by depression and have extremely low energy levels, a depressed husband who has a wife who will encourage him to take a walk, bike ride, or swim will be grateful for the motivation.

Having a daily routine and knowing that each day starts or ends with some physical activity can help a person regain some control of their day-to-day life.

Daily achievements

Starting small is the key to helping someone who is depressed and overwhelmed by even the simplest task. A depressed husband may find getting out of bed in the morning a monumental task, so even this act can be acknowledged as a daily achievement. Setting some small goals and breaking them up into smaller parts can be empowering for someone struggling with depression, and setting the right pace will help them gradually return to normal activities.

Depression generally makes people lose interest in socializing or hobbies they previously enjoyed, but a wife can support her husband by organizing short outings or simple meetings with friends for coffee, etc., just so that they don’t withdraw completely.

Have some time out

It takes a huge amount of self-control for the wife of a depressed husband to not give in to frustration and anger and even slip into depression herself. Arranging some time alone or with girlfriends is essential, and regular counseling sessions to talk through what she is experiencing and regain clarity and perspective would also be beneficial.

Keep a close eye

Even if a person’s depression is on the milder side or seems to be improving, it’s imperative for the closest caregiver (in this case, the wife of a depressed husband) to be aware of the warning signs of suicide. These include mentioning taking one’s own life and being preoccupied with thoughts around dying (getting one’s affairs in order, giving away belongings, etc.)

They could also get a means to end their life, or engage in reckless or self-destructive behavior. Any extreme mood swings or noticeable changes in personality or behavior should be treated with caution, and medical assistance should be sought.

Christian Counseling for Depression and Relationship Issues

A wife caring for a depressed husband needs to be surrounded by a community that can care for her as well as her family. They should not underestimate the strain that she is going through, but pray for her to be strengthened in the incredibly important role she plays in helping her partner through this tough time.

If you need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out to our office to talk with someone about the process of beginning Christian counseling, either for yourself or for your spouse.