Dr. Aryn Ziehnert
When you think about your relationship with your spouse, consider how much fun you have together. Ask yourself these questions:
- What do I like to do for fun?
- When was the last time I did that?
- What does my spouse like to do for fun?
- Has my spouse done that recently?
- What things do we enjoy doing together?
- When was the last time we did something spontaneous?
- Do we look forward to our time together?
- What was the most fun thing we’ve done together?
- What is the most recent fun thing we’ve done together?
- Do we have fun together?
Spending time thinking about these questions can help you evaluate whether you and your spouse are making enough time for fun in your marriage.
Fun activities for married couples.
If you feel you are lacking in the fun department, think about how you can change that with these simple ideas.
Relaxing isn’t the first thing that usually comes to mind when people think of fun, but it may be the very thing your marriage needs. Fun doesn’t need to be full speed. Incorporating time to relax is a good way to start building fun into your marriage, especially if you feel busy or overwhelmed.
The key is that you relax together. This is not independent time or focused self-care. This is about relaxing as a couple. These are some great ways to relax together:
- Take a nap together.
- Read the same book.
- Listen to an audiobook or podcast together.
- Sit outside in the sun together.
- Play a game of cards.
- Watch a movie or television show together.
- Get a couples massage or pedicure.
Explore a new place.
There is something exciting about exploring a new place, especially when you do it together. This could be anything from a new restaurant in town to traveling across the world. The shared experience of exploring something new is bonding, connecting you and your spouse on a new level. Plus, it can be a lot of fun.
Try these fun ways to explore with your spouse:
- Try a restaurant or type of food you’ve never tried.
- Visit a new city for an overnight.
- Take a vacation, just the two of you.
- Dream up a trip to explore a new place together and talk about it.
- Go out at a different time of day than usual.
- Visit a state park you’ve never visited before.
- Look for seashells or rocks along the shore.
Try a new hobby.
When life gets busy, hobbies often take a backseat. Even things you may have once enjoyed doing together may be nothing more than a fond memory. Now, you can experience a new hobby together. Getting out of your comfort zone to try something is a great way to connect. You can even take turns choosing something new to try.
Some great couple hobbies are:
- Planting a garden.
- Putting together a puzzle.
- Playing board games.
- Doing crossword puzzles.
- Bird watching.
- Learning a new language.
- Learning a new instrument.
Get active together.
Leading an active life is an important part of individual health and wellness. When you are active with your spouse, you increase that health and wellness as you support one another. You also grow closer together as you have fun in new ways that get the blood pumping.
You can get active in so many ways. Here are a few favorites to try with your spouse:
- Playing pickleball.
- Playing tennis.
- Completing a 5K.
- Practicing yoga.
- Rock climbing.
- Nature walks.
- Bike riding.
- Going to a trampoline park.
Focus on your relationship.
Working on your relationship with your spouse can be fun. Sometimes you may need to address more serious topics, but there are plenty of lighthearted, fun things you can do together. Think about when you were first getting to know each other and how exciting that was. You can continue to connect in fun ways as you did then.
Great ways to focus on your relationship and have fun are:
- Look at old photos of the two of you.
- Tell your favorite stories from when you were dating or first married.
- Share your favorite things about your partner.
- Hold hands.
- Ask questions about their likes and dislikes.
- Revisit a favorite spot from when you were dating.
- Have sex.
- Renew your vows.
- Visit your partner’s hometown.
- Watch a movie you saw when you were dating.
- Recreate your first date.
- Reminisce about each anniversary.
- Take a photo every time you do something together.
Choosing to have fun.
Having fun together requires intention. You and your partner need to choose to do things that are fun and bring joy. Even in the middle of the busyness of life, you can choose to make time for things you both like. Doing this together will help you grow closer and foster a deeper bond.
This is particularly helpful when you do face hard things in your life or your marriage. The more you have fun together and focus on bonding, the more connected you will be. If you both feel connected, you can approach hard seasons with more confidence as you do it together.
When it feels hard to have fun.
It isn’t always easy to have fun. If you are in a difficult season of life like the fatigue that comes with having a baby, facing a particular challenge like a job that feels impossible, or handling a crisis like an ill family member, fun may be the last thing on your mind. It isn’t always easy to have fun. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.
Similarly, you may just be out of practice. If the daily responsibilities of life like going to work, picking up kids, and doing laundry have crowded out the fun in your life it may feel a little awkward trying to get back to it. That’s okay.
Start with one thing. Pick one small thing you can do together and try it. Commit to doing this regularly. Try doing something small weekly and something a bit bigger monthly or each season. Build up the fun muscles in your relationship that feel out of shape by doing a little bit at a time. Once it feels easier, you can build on that.
Even if it feels awkward or you are out of practice, walking through that together will help you get closer to one another.
If you need help.
This isn’t always an easy process. Sometimes there are hard things that prevent couples from pursuing fun. Other times it just feels strange to try something new. No matter where you and your partner find your relationship, there is help available.
A counselor is a helpful, unbiased person that can help you and your partner learn about one another as you embark on having fun together. It is helpful to have the accountability of a counselor as you do this. Knowing someone will ask you about what you did together and help you find ideas you and your partner agree on is invaluable. The counselor can also help you work through anything that may come up in the process.
If you are interested in talking to a counselor to see how you can incorporate fun into your marriage, contact our office today. We are here to help you and your partner learn to rediscover fun and grow closer together.
“Bike Ride”, Courtesy of Everton Vila, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Holding Hands”, Courtesy of Brooke Cagle, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Standing on the Beach”, Courtesy of Joshua Earle, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Love”, Courtesy of Mahkeo, Unsplash.com; CC0 License
DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact one of our counselors for further information.