How to “Fireproof” Your Marriage: 3 Practical Tips

Every marriage faces challenges, but some of them are more than just the stress of life. Some of the things you face in marriage are attacks meant to destroy the beautiful union between you and your spouse.

There is nothing Satan wants more than for us to entertain the idea of being romanced by someone else when our marriage feels dull and distant.

There is nothing Satan wants more than for us to read unrealistic romance novels and watch the steamiest chick flicks that make us feel like we are being given the short end of the stick. He wants us to tell ourselves that we need more to keep going.

There is nothing Satan wants more than for us to see the pictures posted on social media from other women whose husband sends them flowers on a random Monday or plans a surprise weekend away.

There is nothing Satan wants more than for us to crave the attention of the opposite sex – to make us feel young and attractive during the times when we feel like only roommates with our significant other.

There is nothing Satan wants more than for us to “enjoy the view” of the attractive people around us. He wants us to think that’s not cheating or impacting our marriage.

Satan wants to see our marriages destroyed and our self-esteem stooped to an all-time low.

God, on the other hand, wants our marriages to THRIVE.

He wants us to guard our thoughts when they begin to run rampant.

He wants us to say, “I still do,” every single day.

He wants us to give 100% when we only feel like giving 25%.

He wants us to depend on Him for the words to say during a disagreement.

He wants us to spend quality time with our spouse, even when we feel like our to-do list is too long to take time away from the endless list of life’s demands.

He wants us to make Him the center of our marriage, so the core of our marriage is supported and ready to withstand minor and major aches and pains that come our way.

Tips for how to “fireproof” your marriage.

If you are looking to fireproof your marriage from infidelity and other hurdles that might come your way, consider these steps:

1. Make communication a top priority in your marriage. Communication is key to avoiding misunderstandings and petty fights, but it is also key to growing closer together and establishing a sense of trust. Build trust by discussing the skeletons of your past, communicating what is working/not working, discussing things you should work on separately and together, and telling the other person what you love about them. This helps make Christ the priority and center of your marriage.

As you work on building trust in your marriage, realize that you do not have to make it some grand event. Start each day by discussing what you both have going on, asking how you can support the other person, and praying for your marriage. Keep each other in the loop with things that go on at work and in conversations with other people. Let the other person know what is bothering you and what you might have misconstrued in an earlier conversation that you cannot let go of.

Communication is pivotal to the health of your marriage. If someone at work tries to send you a text message about how beautiful you are, it is important to loop in your spouse and keep communication a priority so something they happen to see does not break that trust. Just because you do not return the gesture does not mean it is something to hide from your spouse. Be open with your spouse.

Take some time to pray these Scriptures over your marriage to help establish trust:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. – Proverbs 3:3, NIV 

2. Avoid comparing your marriage to other marriages.

Make intimacy a priority in your marriage and avoid comparing your marriage to what you see on social media. Do not let someone else’s highlight reel become the guide in which you think your marriage should be. Every marriage has ups and downs with obstacles and disagreements that need to be overcome.

There are seasons in every marriage where the couple probably feels more like roommates than lovers. Every marriage has something that needs to be worked on and improved. To do this, make scripture personal and pray it over one another. Give your spouse grace. Always be a student of your spouse and try to get to know who they are as time evolves and circumstances change. There is always something to learn about them.

An example of how to do this is found in 1 Peter: “Father, above all, help [your spouse’s name and I] love each other deeply, because we know and believe that love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8, NIV)

3. Avoid situations that might compromise your morals.

Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. – Mark 10:9, NIV

Satan wants married couples to go through periods where they feel like there is more out there for them, but God wants couples to cling tightly to one another. Start by asking God to guard your heart and mind against this world’s temptations.

This can include avoiding certain books and movies, avoiding situations where you might feel like comparing your marriage, or entertaining the idea of getting the attention of someone else. Say no to the things that chisel away at your marriage and yes to the things that strengthen your marriage.

If you are looking for simple and creative ways to strengthen your marriage, consider these ideas:

• Kiss for (at least) six seconds every day.
• Be vulnerable and have honest conversations about your temptations, dreams, fears, hopes, pain, etc.
• Start the day by telling your spouse something you love about them.
• Stop skipping date nights.
• Establish some fun routines with your spouse such as game nights, at-home movie nights, make dessert together nights, bubble bath nights, etc.
• Work as a team instead of as individuals (in parenting, financing, chores, etc.)
• Be your spouse’s biggest fan. Cheer for them and celebrate all the little and big things together.
• Subtly serve your spouse. In a world that screams GRAND GESTURES, do not miss the opportunity to subtly serve your spouse. Write a love note on the mirror, make their coffee before they have a chance to, put their laundry away, pack their lunch, run a bubble bath for them. Find little ways to let them know that you see and appreciate them.
• Spice up the physical intimacy. Make sure you are making time for physical intimacy with your spouse. The dishes and vacuuming can be delayed a bit.
• Do not let the little things push you away. Do not let petty things draw a wedge in your marriage. Accidentally leaving the toilet seat up or putting the toilet paper roll on the wrong way are not serious matters that should start a disagreement.
• Leave the past in the past. When you have worked through a past matter and tried to move forward, it is important that you do not continue bringing up this matter and let it drive a further wedge between you.
• Have lots of fun together. Make your marriage feel like the equivalent of that feeling when you were finally invited to your first sleepover with your favorite friends in grade school. Seek out the same giddiness and anticipation that overtook you as you excitedly packed your bag to embrace an evening of memories. That same giddiness needs to make constant appearances in your marriage! Have fun together by trying something new, playing a game, visiting your favorite old stomping grounds for dates, or going on an adventure together.

God did not design marriage to feel like a prison. He designed it to be a place full of grace and mercy, overflowing with memories and fun. If your marriage is struggling to move forward or feels like you are in a rut, today is the perfect time to schedule a counseling session with a counselor at our office who wants to see your marriage thrive. Marriage is a life-long party with your best friend, and it’s a party you do not want to miss.