How to Help with Depression After Birth

The postpartum period after birth is a recovery time. For new mothers, this time can be challenging. As her pregnancy hormones decline back to typical levels, mothers face emotionally-charged mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Combining these emotions with the physical aspect of healing and depression after birth becomes more common.

The postpartum blues is a sadness that begins after birth and lasts for a few weeks. It also can bring a detachment from the baby as the mother feels like she is not bonding with her child. Stress and sleep deprivation compound the effects of depression after birth.

If the new mother’s symptoms become more severe and last longer than a few weeks, she may suffer from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression requires the help of a mental health care practitioner.

If you know of a new mother, stop in and check on her. We can often miss the signs of depression after birth as we focus on the new baby. Mothers need someone to ask about how they are doing and help around the house and with the baby, especially if she is alone or her husband works outside the home during the day.

Tips to help a new mother with depression after birth.

Everyone is so excited after the birth of a baby. People drop by the home and bring presents. They may hold the newborn for a few minutes and offer to help the new mother. But new moms are typically sleep-deprived and sore. Not to mention that many new moms worry that they might be bad parents if they cannot do it all on their own. They might feel ashamed or guilty if they are not bonding with their infant immediately.

As a friend, you want to help, but the reality is that the new mom may never ask you to shoulder the burden with her. Instead, it may take you jumping in where you believe you are needed and supporting her along the way.

Don’t dismiss her feelings.

When you ask your friend how she is doing after the birth of her baby, hold back any judgment. She needs to know she can trust and confide in you. Saying to her that she shouldn’t feel a certain way will only make things worse for her. She will begin to feel guilty and as if something is wrong with her. Instead, validate her feelings by being supportive.

If you struggled with depression after birth, tell her your story. Explain to her that these feelings are temporary and will eventually go away. Offer suggestions for what worked for you and remind her that she is not alone. What she feels is typical may be something more. As many as 20% of new mothers develop postpartum depression several weeks after birth.

Take a daily walk together.

Going outdoors for a walk helps the body recover from childbirth and allows the new mother’s mind to release anxious thoughts. When you walk, the body releases endorphins that work as a pain reliever, relieving tension and clearing brain fog. In addition, the extra oxygen improves the cardio and respiratory systems.

Walking also boosts self-esteem and body confidence, making you happier. These are all things that will help a new mother. You can take turns pushing the stroller and go as slowly as your friend needs. Even a short walk daily can benefit your friend’s mental health.

Take her shopping.

One of the most frustrating things about being a new mother is the physical changes. Many women underestimate how long it will take them to return to their pre-pregnancy weight. As a result, they may not be mentally prepared to wear maternity clothes months after the birth of their baby. Or they may lose the extra weight slowly, going down several sizes incrementally, especially if they gained a lot during pregnancy.

Some women may be easily offended if you offer them gently used clothing that you no longer wear, so consider your friend’s feelings and reaction carefully. Otherwise, if you have clothing you plan to donate and think she could wear, offer it to her.

You can also offer to take her shopping for a few essential wardrobe items while her weight is transitioning. Think about tee shirts and long sleeve shirts in neutral colors, a couple of pairs of pants that go with everything, a cardigan sweater or two for layering, and a jacket for those colder days. But, again, go with inexpensive clothing items as her weight fluctuates.

Pick up some gifts for the new mom.

After the birth of a baby, people from everywhere bring or send gifts to the newborn, from clothing to toys to skincare. But the new mother needs pampering as well. You can pick up small “stocking stuffer” style gifts at many stores. Think about travel-size products for hair and body, small candles, roll-on perfume, and lip balms.

Depending on her tastes, you can also grab items that you think she would like, such as a pretty pen and notebook, a stylus for her tablet, earbuds, sparkly hair clips or barrettes, or an exciting mug. Fill a small gift bag with these treasures and surprise her.

Help with housework.

A new mother may feel guilty for not managing her newborn, household chores, and even other children. Instead of just volunteering to help when she needs it, jump in and wash the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, clean the bathroom, and sweep the floors. These things should be done daily, but a new mom cannot juggle the care of an infant and keep up with these tasks without help.

Cooking is another task that the new mom will probably have to drop, at least for the first few weeks, as she wakes up several times a night and is constantly feeding and caring for the baby. Consider cooking extra dinners at home and bringing them over for her family. Or surprise her with takeout like pizza on a Saturday night. Try to make things easier for her during these first few months.

Take on baby duty.

Not all new mothers will be willing to trust people with their newborn babies, so don’t be offended if your friend declines your help with the baby. But if she allows it, offer to care for the baby while she takes a nap or runs an errand. Sometimes just watching the baby for a half hour so she can get a shower can feel like heaven to the mother of a newborn.

What does the new mom need to do to feel more like herself? Care for the baby while she does that. It might be taking a bath, going for a walk by herself, taking a nap, or reading a book in bed. Whatever activity she chooses, don’t judge her for the time. Every woman is different, and how we relax can be different too.

Find a support group for new mothers.

If your friend struggles with depression after birth, remind her that she is not alone by finding a support group for new mothers locally or online. You may be able to contact a clinic to see if there is a local support group or mothers’ organization that meets. If so, volunteer to watch the baby so she can attend. Or if she has someone to watch the baby, offer to participate in the meeting with her if she feels nervous about meeting new people.

Some groups meet virtually through Zoom or another platform. If the meetings work with your schedule, babysit during the session.

Take care of your mental health also.

If you are helping a friend through depression after birth, the care giving may take a toll on your physical and mental health. Contact our office today to schedule a session with a therapist. Your therapist has worked with postpartum mothers and caregivers and specializes in helping women get back to feeling their best.