Love is the Way: Restoring Marriage Before Divorce

Our spouses will experience a version of us that no other person can. That can be thrilling and draw us into feeling enraptured and enamored with one another all over again. Deep connection infuses a sense of being uniquely seen, known, and loved, enhancing the intimate friendship formed within marriage. Love, in the way that God intended, reconciles and restores.

Each in the Godhead has distinct roles, but they are unified and devoted to bringing us back into fellowship with the Father, through Christ, and inhabited by the Spirit.

When our marriage is strained and difficult, it may look nothing like the connection that Scripture describes between Christ and His Beloved. Just as we may have experienced the heights of passion and connection with our spouse in better seasons, we can feel annoyed and irritated by our mate in ways that no other person elicits.

Conflicts skew communication, peppering our interactions with discord and discomfort. When at odds, our marriage ceases to be a welcoming space for solace or the recognized Presence of God. If we remain frustrated long enough, we may abandon our spouse while still legally married. Some abdicate their position altogether, seeking a separate life, and heading toward divorce.

Marital challenges are inevitable. We will experience trials and failures where we learn and grow, not only with one another but in our relationship with our Savior. Life events will test our resolve and character. They don’t, however, have to launch us into divorce court before we attempt to restore the marriage we’ve built.

Tips for restoring marriage before divorce.

How should we approach these situations? Our response can indicate how our marriages will weather the storms that all couples face.

Listen. Part of honoring our marriages includes listening to and properly responding to our spouse and his or her needs. When they express a need that we are created to fill, it is both a responsibility and a privilege to answer with our unique contribution. We might not view it as an honor, but in truth, God has entrusted this person to us.

How we respond to them is an act of devotion to God. In this manner, obeying God is practical in that it serves our spouse with respect and attentiveness, not merely what we view as spiritual.

Our openness to growing in how we love our spouses fosters an environment to build, allowing our mates to be heard and received. When we trust the Lord to meet our individual needs, even as we go first in serving our spouse, action energizes our faith. Planting seeds of obedience and kindness give God space to restore our marriages before the possibility of divorce erupts.

He alone transforms hearts. Our partnership with the Holy Spirit makes room for us to experience mutual blessings and benefits that breathe life back into our union.

Look for solutions.

As we seek God for His vision, we need to find places of agreement, even as we advance through challenges. Everything won’t always go as planned. Love in real life and in real-time reveals how different our off-screen experiences are from on-screen fiction. Love God’s way is illustrated in the Scriptures as both action and attitude. Consider these questions:

• Are we demonstrating the patience and kindness that love embodies?
• Are we insisting on our way or puffing ourselves up in pride and self-absorption?

Love produces generosity. Our response to follow Jesus and obey His Word is anchored in Love. It affects how we view ourselves and others. When we see our spouses as formed for our lives and shared purposes, we can esteem and honor them as our vows state.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, 7, NIV

Even if we have toxic tendencies as part of a trauma-laden past or embedded in the history that framed our relational dynamics, therapeutic intervention is one of the best forward moves that we can make. Whatever the issue, outside eyes can notice what we have become accustomed to ignoring. They offer insight where we are often too close to recognize the remedy.

Deciding to move forward with counseling will enhance your marriage’s health and bolster its resilience. Therapy furnishes space and language to process and release pain, rescuing and restoring yourself first so you can recover your marriage, perhaps avoiding an end in divorce.

We have to discern, not only by the Spirit, but also through observation and engagement, considering our hearts, our spouse’s character, and the circumstances that led to the current state of our union. Asking a few questions can offer insight as we prepare to offer an honest heart to the Lord, our mate, and our counselor.

• Was hurtful behavior the result of a lack of information or lapse in judgment?
• Does the situation reflect a long-standing pattern or is the behavior reflective of who either is in this season?
• Are both of us willing to change with Christ and counsel?

Live the vows.

While we can influence our spouses, and even win them by our devotion, we cannot win anyone’s soul with attitudes and actions that oppose godly definitions of love (1 Peter 3:1-2). If the Lord Himself draws us by lovingkindness, then it is only by that same means that another soul will be further attracted to who God is in us.

It will require some healing and deliverance for us personally. Unforgiveness, stubbornness, and bitterness serve to poison our souls, putting us on an accelerated path to divorce.

We can’t change our spouses, but we can steer our own behavior to live our vows, aligned with Christ. When we attempt to sit in the place of judge, administering God’s vengeance for what we aren’t willing to forgive, cover, or pray for, we aren’t acting in love.

How will we have effective results in our marriage by using shame, vindictiveness, or manipulation to control our spouse and their behavior? God doesn’t operate in this kind of cruelty, but rather in compassion. His faithfulness and kindness expertly soften hearts to repent, turn back to Him, and transform.

God knows how to deal with the hearts of His sons and daughters. While we don’t need to condemn or criticize our spouses, the Holy Spirit knows how to bring about heart-stirring conviction and contrition to all involved to produce a glorious outcome.

We can be living love letters, that demonstrate Christ’s love and care in our marital covenant. Our prayer and Holy Spirit-led actions move our hearts before anyone else is changed. Without compassion, we cannot advance into all that God has for us with hardened hearts.

Contending with our spouse is not how God wants us to approach our need for marital restoration, even if we haven’t broached the topic of divorce. Our common enemy is not our mate, but rather the one who accuses us before God and another. It is no surprise that the devil is intent on destroying everything that God has called good, including our marriage.

Next steps.

There is a better way, though. It’s called love, and it’s found when we personally reconnect with the love of Christ. While there may be areas of old pain that need to be addressed within and between us, seeking counsel can facilitate the conversations where a connection is reignited.

Take time to research and schedule an appointment with a professional from this site. It is possible to help you and your spouse resuscitate and restore your marriage in vibrancy and wholeness.