The Mirage of Pornography: Dealing with Pornography Addiction

The mirage

Have you been hiking on a hot day? Imagine that you have decided to hike for several miles in Death Valley National Park during the hottest time of the day. You arrive at the parking lot of the trailhead. You open your daypack and discover that you have forgotten to pack the water. You look around to find a water source. No water source is located.

You begin to sweat intensely as the sun beats down, and you regret not remembering to pack water. Your body continues to elevate in temperature. Your body begins to cramp as you stumble along the trail, your mind wandering as you continue to bake in the sun like a raisin. You begin to have visual hallucinations as you struggle toward your car.

However, you take a wrong turn and become lost in the vast Mojave Desert. The vultures circle your head as you continue walking in the wrong direction. You frantically look for some shade and relief, but none is to be found.

Suddenly in the distance, you see a source of water. You run full speed toward what appears to be a deep lake. As you run toward it, the lake is further than you expected. You continue to move toward the lake. Your mind believes that you have found water to relieve your thirst.

After a while, you realize that you have seen a mirage. For miles around you, you see dry sand. At this point, you realize that you are in a life-and-death situation. You have ignored conventional wisdom by not double-checking for water, hiking during the middle of the day, and failing to check a map earlier in the day.

The rise of pornography addiction

Perhaps, you have never been in a life-and-death situation, but all of us have made our fair share of poor decisions. Poor decisions sometimes have dire consequences. Choices we make can have long-lasting impacts on our lives. Some decisions cause individuals to wander in circles for many years becoming trapped in a vicious cycle.

Seemingly inconsequential decisions, early exposure to sexuality, and critical incidents introduce some individuals to the world of pornography. Adolescents often have poor decision-making skills. Making mistakes is part of learning and developing moral and spiritual values. Parents often hear their children questioning them.

By challenging their parents, they break rules and establish their own sense of morality and spiritual values. At the time, seemingly inconsequential decisions are made, such as adolescents exploring the internet for pornography. Once you enter this world of pornography, one seemingly inconsequential decision leads to being trapped in a maze of multiplying poor decisions.

If children make it to adulthood without exploring pornography, they are extremely fortunate. Our world frequently uses sexuality to sell products. Companies market their products to help individuals buy their products.

Pornography addiction in adulthood

Couples may even turn to pornography to spice up their love life. Single men might turn to pornography to fill a void temporarily or to prepare for a future relationship with a woman. A seemingly inconsequential decision can lead to a lifetime of nightmares and heartache.

Adverse childhood experiences expose children to sexuality before they are mature enough to grasp human sexuality. As a result, these children develop dysfunctional beliefs about human sexuality, such as the belief that one must use his or her body to be loved. Because of their limited knowledge and immaturity, they make what should be adult decisions at a young age. Peeling back the damage this causes can take years.

Growing into adulthood is difficult. Children are bullied by their classmates. Words can cause irreparable harm that follows a child into adulthood. Acts of cruelty are stored in one’s memories for years. Puberty is plagued with awkwardness as adolescents try to make sense of their bodies transitioning into adulthood. None of us escape childhood without some trauma. To cope with traumatic experiences, some individuals turn to pornography for comfort and escape.

Like the lost hiker above, individuals become disoriented, and the illusion of pornography will satisfy their thirst. Adult performers cater to every desire imaginable to man. As you seek relief from the pain of life, money escapes your wallet as you feed an industry that makes more money than all four professional sports leagues combined (NFL, NBA, MLB, and NHL).

Pornography is a deceptive solution

Rather than dealing with your sadness, anxiety, or other negative emotions, pornography will trick a person into believing pornography can enable him or her to bypass the regular emotional pain of life. Individuals can schedule their lives around this activity, hang around individuals with similar interests, and find places where they can indulge and not be discovered.

Once exposed to pornography, it becomes like a drug creating urges and cravings. Individuals addicted to pornography can develop the false belief that pornography is essential as food, water, and shelter. Following these urges and cravings, a person may want to abstain, but the pull of pornography is strong.

The addicted individual begins to give him or herself permission to indulge in pornography with thoughts like “A little will not hurt,” “I am only spending a little amount of time doing it,” “I deserve it,” and “No one will find out.”

After indulging in it, shame and stigma set in as a person realizes that it has not satisfied their need or desire. In an addicted individual, the cycle continues. The addicted individual needs more to satisfy this desire or need. Alternatively, they experience the unpleasant effects of withdrawing.

For Christians struggling with this sin, the shame and stigma can be overwhelming as they live a double life. It is not easy to maintain a façade with other people. Trying to conceal these behaviors can be exhausting as a person lives a secret life. Caught deep in an addiction, it becomes impossible to disguise your activities and hide from others. The truth always comes out in the end.

Pornography addiction exposed

Adam and Eve tried to hide from God in the Garden of Eden and failed miserably (Genesis 3:8-24). Individuals with a pornography addiction can deceive some people, but they can never hide it from God. God has equipped us with a conscience. Those who live in the truth know that pornography is a sin that can condemn us because God knows everything (1 John 3:19-20).

The reality is that pornography is a mirage. It deludes people into thinking that it portrays healthy sexuality. Pornography is essentially theatrical acting between two or more performers. Some depictions are violent and disturbing. Mental health professionals sometimes must correct dysfunctional thoughts about physical intimacy, because individuals exposed to pornography may act out these violent deceptions, traumatizing an innocent partner.

God created man and woman for each other. Romantic relationships are about developing verbal and physical intimacy between one man and one woman. Because we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people, intimacy is sometimes less than ideal. Healthy marital relationships acknowledge the inadequacies of their relationship, resolve conflict related to these imperfections, and negotiate compromises.

As illustrated above, pornography compounds or creates life-alternating problems. Pornography will not solve feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. Even though it seems to numb emotional pain or deal with negative emotions, it is an unhealthy coping strategy, because it leads individuals away from the truth.

Marriages are destroyed due to pornography. People can lose their jobs because they choose to view pornography at work. Pornography can put people in debt or cause financial despair.

Help to overcome pornography addiction

Spiritually, God addressed this spiritual brokenness in the book of Jeremiah: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water” (Jeremiah 2:13, NIV). Only one person can satisfy that thirst: Jesus (John 4:10-14). Following him will lead to the living water that only he can provide.

Jesus understands loneliness since he wandered alone in the desert without food for forty days (Matthew 4:1-2). We know that he was tempted in every way possible by Satan (Hebrews 4:15). He knew that man makes poor decisions. Jesus heard cruel words constantly being hurled at him (e.g. 1 Peter 2:23). Yet, he chose to endure six hours on the cross and bear its shame to set us free from the bondage of sins like pornography (Hebrews 12:2).

It is difficult to overcome an addiction to pornography, but not impossible. Christian counselors stand at the frontline of this spiritual battle with pornography. At Spokane Christian Counseling, we would like to fight alongside you.

This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. – 1 John 3:19-20, NIV