4 At-Home Couples Therapy Ideas

Couples struggling in their relationship or marriage may want to seek the help of a professional. However, there is still a stigma attached to couples therapy. Couples often believe that if they go to treatment, people will think something is wrong with them, that they have a significant issue with their marriage, or that it is at the point of breaking up.

However, even healthy relationships may sometimes benefit from counseling to process present pain and prevent past pain from bleeding into future relationships.

Couples Therapy Ideas for the Home

Some couples may want to stay at home but still need the help of a professional. With some creativity, a couple can use professional strategies to work on their relationship while staying home. Here are four at-home couples therapy ideas:

Forgive others

One of the main issues a couple faces is failing to forgive each other for past offenses. It is easy for each person to blame the other, dredging up past offenses to win an argument or be superior to the other person. Both parties must forgive the other, but it is difficult when they are busy bringing up past offenses.

Have each person take blank sheets of paper or index cards. Each party should write out what the other person has done to offend them on each card. These are the issues that they have difficulty forgiving. It can be as big as anger or as small as an inability to clean up after themselves or something the other person said that bothered them.

Take a jar and place all the cards or paper in the jar. One by one, each party should take out one index card or paper. If it’s their offense, hand it to the other person. If it’s an offense of the other person, have them hold it in their hands. Have them declare to the other that they choose to forgive and let go of this offense today. Keep going, each taking turns until all the paper is gone.

Talk to each other and ask how each other feels about this exercise. Do they feel emotionally lighter? Do they feel as if their relationship is better because of forgiveness? Discuss what this exercise has done to help improve their relationship.

It should be noted that this exercise is only for sins for which the other party expresses repentance. Where there is no repentance, though the offended party may and ought to forgive the offender in their heart, an outward expression of forgiveness may need to be withheld until repentance occurs.

Also, this exercise is not appropriate for sins of a more heinous nature such as physical or sexual abuse, infidelity, etc., which may need to involve the civil authorities and be brought before the church.

Real repentance

One party may have difficulty forgiving the other because they believe the other is not repentant for their actions. When people merely feel ashamed of their actions, it’s easier to try to sweep them away and pretend they don’t exist. Therefore, the offending party must demonstrate true repentance so that the relationship can move forward.

Real repentance involves the following components:

Recognizing the action or attitude as sinful

The first component of repentance is to recognize that what one did was sinful. This is often the hardest step for many people to take, as no one likes to think of themselves as sinful.

Sorrow for committing the sinful action or attitude

In addition to recognizing that the action or attitude was sinful, there must be true sorrow for committing the sin. This is not merely sorrowing that one hurt someone else, nor is it sorrow that one got caught. It is a true sorrow for breaking God’s commandments.

Confession to God and the offended party

Once one has recognized their sin and is sorry for it, there needs to be confession both to the offended party and especially to God, since all sin is ultimately against God.

Shame for the sinful action or attitude

Not all shame is bad. In fact, shame for sinning is healthy and good. It is a natural outcome of recognizing that one’s sin was vile in God’s eyes.

Hatred for the sinful action or attitude

Along with the shame, there needs to be an accompanying hatred for the sin committed. This is to adopt God’s attitude toward sin and see it as He sees it.

Turning away from the sinful action or attitude

Lastly, there needs to be a turning from the sin toward holiness and a renewed obedience to God’s Word.

Without all of these components, there can be no true repentance. Along with forgiveness, couples must regularly practice genuine repentance towards each other and towards God.

Increase love

With increased responsibilities like children or work deadlines, it is more difficult for couples to express their love for each other as the years pass. Often, both parties can feel neglected because the other person is working so much or is focused on different responsibilities. However, for a relationship to thrive, couples must focus on each other and increase their love for each other.

Write the following on a white poster board: “To feel more loved, I can…” Both parties can come up with specific ways to feel more loved. However, the exercise is not for them to blame the other person and make them change. The point is for both parties to express how they could see increased love for each other.

If the budget is stretched and time is limited, the action steps taken may only be small. A small gesture can be one party giving the other flowers or a special night out. It may mean the other party takes the initiative to plan the event rather than leaving it to one in person. It could mean finding a person to watch the kids during the day and making a day date rather than a night date if that allows. Let your imagination go wild.

This exercise helps couples put their heads together and brainstorm concrete ways to work on their relationship. Sometimes, it just takes concentrated time and effort for both parties to work on the relationship enough to increase their love for each other. Often, the love is still there; it just needs to be fostered. Sometimes, responsibilities take over, making it difficult to focus on the relationship.

Resolve anger

Anger is often at the root of relationship issues. Sometimes, the other party provokes this anger. Sometimes, it’s baggage from previous relationships. Other times, it’s an unprocessed pain from past events they carry into their relationship. The vast majority of the time, however, anger is a result of sinful pride. Whatever the root of the anger is, it needs to be resolved.

Have both parties think of concrete ways to resolve their anger. Sometimes, they may need to vent to a friend. Other times, they need to let an offense go. At all times, however, sinful anger is something that needs repentance. Once one or both parties have resolved their anger, they need to work on not becoming sinfully angry in the future.

Anger is not always sinful at its root – there are things it is right to be angry about, such as injustice, infidelity, abuse, etc. Even at its most righteous, however, anger is always stained by our sinful nature. To the extent that anger is stained by sin, it must be repented of and reconciliation with the other party pursued.

Seek Additional Support

All couples need therapy at some point in their relationship. If you’d like to schedule an appointment for couples therapy, contact our office today to find the best therapist to meet your needs.