Save the Date: 10 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Being on the same page before marriage can save you from future heartache. Knowing where you stand on finances, child rearing, and in-laws before you say “I do” will keep arguments down and focused on the other issues that can arise. Be sure you know the questions to ask before marriage in Spokane Valley, Washington.

10 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Sitting down and discussing the following questions can uncover expectations and open conversations. This allows you to work on conflict resolution and practice open communication. The questions to ask before marriage are essential as we often bring our experiences from childhood or previous relationships into a marriage.

For example, if your mother slammed doors and screamed when she was angry, you may be more likely to express your frustration this way unless you use a different anger management technique. By discussing this now, when the time comes, you can choose a more beneficial and effective expression of anger.

Do we share the same faith?

The Bible warns about being unequally yoked with another. Having different religious beliefs can cause problems regarding faith, holidays, and childrearing. Or, if your partner is an atheist, you may end up feeling belittled for your beliefs. Even if your partner would never set out to hurt you, eventually, their beliefs (religious or believing there is no God) will cause turmoil and deep spiritual issues in the relationship.

Where should we live?

If you and your partner live in separate housing, you will want to settle where you will live after your wedding. Will you move into their place? Will they move into your home, or will you get a new house? If you plan to save to buy a home, what financial plan will it take to reach your goals? Also, remember that careers and jobs can relocate you to another city or state. Are you both willing to move if necessary?

How did your family handle conflict?

Discussing childhood arguments can be triggering, so make sure that both of you are open to talking about it. You may learn that your significant other grew up in a home with neglect or abuse. Perhaps their parents were emotionally unavailable or busy trying to make ends meet.

Did your parents discuss matters and try to solve them, or did they storm off? Decide how you want to handle conflict in your new home. Choose a method that allows both of you to be heard and understood while remaining safe and secure in the relationship.

Do you want children?

Not everyone feels confident enough to raise children, or they choose to live a life without kids. Others may not be able to conceive. Being upfront about how you feel about children can save you years of heartbreak. Do you want to foster or adopt if your significant other cannot have children?

If you want children, do you want them within a few years of each other, or does the timing matter? Both parties should have a say in bringing children into the world, although remember that sometimes the best blessings come unannounced.

What are your expectations for housework?

Some people grew up in households where one parent did most of the chores while the other worked, or one parent was responsible for the housework even if they worked full-time. Others grew up in single-parent households or homes where both parents took turns with the housework.

Discuss your expectations for household chores, lawn maintenance, and other responsibilities. Will you take turns doing laundry on your days off, or is that one person’s job? Resentment can quickly build if both parties do not agree on housework expectations.

Do either of you have debt?

This may not be a deal-breaker with some couples, while others put many plans on hold to clear out remaining debt. If your significant other has more outstanding debt, will you be responsible? Does your debt keep you from purchasing a home or a new car? If student loans or credit cards are a concern, can you work out a budgeting plan to pay the debt off faster? You may also find that being debt-free brings less stress and anxiety.

How do you manage your finances?

With the discussion of debt, you will also want to discuss how you will manage finances. Will you have a shared bank account and pay bills from it? Or will you each maintain separate accounts and split the bills? Some people keep their current account, but deposit funds into a shared account for paying bills. You will need to be open and honest about finances if you are to work as a team in the marriage. You both should always be informed and accountable for finances.

Do you value your alone time?

When you first marry, it may be difficult to picture yourself being away from your new spouse. However, for your mental health, you must remain an independent marriage partner. Your spouse should be willing for you to spend time alone, such as reading a book or going out for coffee.

Ask yourself if you have an issue with your spouse spending time alone. If you do, why? Does this go back to a previous relationship where trust issues were present? Spending time alone makes you appreciate the time you have together.

What boundaries do you have in place with extended family?

When you first marry, you may find that certain family members feel they still have a higher priority than your spouse. To stop this encroaching behavior, you must set boundaries with families on both sides of the union.

The Bible states, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:7-8, NIV) No one is as important as your spouse, which means honoring and respecting each other by creating healthy boundaries to protect your time together and relationship.

What future do you envision for us?

Where you see your relationship and family five, ten, and fifty years from now is critical to your daily decisions. Do you both see yourselves living financially independently doing something you love? How do you plan to make that happen?

When you begin making plans, make sure that you keep your values in mind. For example, do you need to work 60 hours a week to succeed in a particular industry? Suppose the closeness of your relationship is of value to you. In that case, you may want to reconsider another route to success, as that work schedule will lead to burnout, emotional distance, and marital problems.

As you consider each of these questions to ask before marriage, remember that nothing is set in stone. You can change your mind or compromise on specific topics when needed. Your well-being and mental health are as important as your physical health. You want your spouse to respect you enough to listen to your concerns.

You should never feel fear when asking questions about your future life together. If your significant other belittles you for broaching these questions to ask before marriage, seek the help of a couples counselor in Spokane Valley, Washington. There may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

Premarital Counseling in Spokane Valley, WA

Marriage is a blessing from God. It is the union of a man and a woman in the presence of the Lord. You want to work together as a team in everything you do, from daily activities to critical decisions like buying a house or moving to another city for a job.

You should feel safe and comfortable when you approach questions to ask before marriage. If you or your partner feel awkward broaching the topics or cannot agree on the best way to handle a situation, consider premarital counseling in Spokane Valley.

Reach out to me or another counselor in Spokane Valley for help today. Your counselor at Spokane Valley Christian Counseling in Washington will help you settle and learn conflict resolution strategies and communication techniques to serve you for the rest of your lives together.