4 Ways to Measure Your Emotional Growth

As people grow, it’s good for them to grow and change from year to year. Spiritual and emotional growth are two significant areas people need to succeed. It is not appropriate for someone to still act like a child as an adult.

The apostle Paul warned about this when he said: “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Unfortunately, childish behavior can be seen on social media and in public. People who go on rants and make rude comments on social media over having to wait in line at their local coffee shop, or a person taking their parking spot can all make people come unglued.

However, while it is essential to understand that everyone gets angry, it is not suitable for someone to lash out at someone simply because their behavior bothers them. Children have difficulty regulating their emotions. However, adults need to have that skill under control so they can act in appropriate ways.

There are four ways to measure your emotional growth:

Test your emotional regulation skills

Emotional regulation skills begin in childhood and are developed throughout adulthood. In our fast-paced, social media-driven world, when people need to express their opinions about anything, emotional regulation skills sometimes come into play. People must exhibit self-control on social media, in public, and at home.

An emotionally mature person is someone who can demonstrate self-control, curb their anger, and resolve it in positive ways. A person who represses their anger or doesn’t deal with the emotion and allows themselves to lash out at someone else does not have good emotional regulation skills.

However, just because someone doesn’t have emotional regulation skills at the moment doesn’t mean they can’t develop them. The beauty of emotional growth is that these skills can develop and grow with us as we change over the years.

A person who wants to develop their emotional regulation skills will find that they can control their emotions positively when a situation arises. For example, someone taking too long in the grocery checkout line might irritate you.

In that moment, it is essential to exhibit patience and kindness when the checkout person apologizes for the delay. It is important not to show your emotions of anger or frustration if someone is taking too long. Your impatience will remain the same situation and only add to the frustration and stress level of the event.

If that situation bothers you, go journal your feelings. Pray and talk to God about the moment. Call a friend and vent about the problem. But don’t exhibit bad behavior in reaction to other bad behavior.

Check your attitude

The best way to check your attitude in each situation is to ask yourself, “What am I feeling and thinking about this?” When a family member does something that irritates you, check your attitude. What emotions arise when you see or hear this person? Do you feel anger, sadness, grief, or happiness when you see them?

Listening to your inner dialogue is a great way to check your attitude. What do you say to yourself when an angry situation arises? Do you use inappropriate language? Do you lash out? Do you stuff those emotions? All these strategies need to be healthier for building emotional maturity.

Scripture says, “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” (Matthew 12:34, NASB). Whatever is stored in your heart will eventually come out of your mouth in action or words. Resolving any negative emotions about an event before your mouth speaks is essential.

Make a habit of praying, journaling, and asking God to help you forgive the person irritating you. Even if this is something you must do regularly, it is essential to clear your heart and soul before the Lord.

Compare to last year

When a stressful situation emerges, compare your current response to what you would have done a year ago. What emotion would you have expressed if this situation was last year? Would you immediately become angry? Compare and contrast to what you did this year. Was your reaction gentler and quieter?

Did you find that you reacted the same way you did even six months ago when the situation happened? Assess where you’re at in your reactions from last year. How do you need to grow or change to make your response more positive and like Christ?

Conversely, compare yourself to where you were ten years ago. Have you grown in your maturity since then? Be a person who is constantly willing to change and grow. If you need more patience, the best way to do that is to practice patience. Put yourself in situations that require patience.

Pick the longest line at the grocery store. Pray or count to one hundred in traffic. When you can’t get something done, ask the Lord for his help. Surround yourself with people who encourage you and want you to grow spiritually and those who will test these fruits.

Measure how you would interact with someone who tries your patience compared with how you would react with them five years ago. Has anything changed? If it has, rejoice in the fact that you have changed. If not, journal and ask God to help you discover ways you can change your response to people who try your patience or whose little annoyances get the best of you.

Be like Jesus

Last, always be like Jesus. Read the Word and study how Jesus acted in the most challenging situations. Imitate that behavior. Jesus had excellent emotional regulation skills. He exemplified great maturity in the wake of some of the most brutal persecution anyone could experience. When people mocked him and spat at him, He remained silent. He never defended himself but used Scripture and the truth of what God was calling him to do to respond to his enemies.

God cares about your character and wants to change you more and more into the image of Christ. He’ll put you in situations requiring you to grow your emotional maturity. You don’t always have to react when someone misbehaves. It is not your job to correct every person’s behavior.

Leave vengeance to the Lord and remain calm when someone mocks or persecutes you. This level of self-control may be hard to attain at first, but with the power of the Holy Spirit, you can get there. Your attitude can change from one of anger and impulsivity to one of patience and restraint.

Emotional growth is essential to your development as a person. Not only that but as bearers of the image of God, we need to display more emotional maturity. Be people who are characterized by the fruit of the Spirit, and who, in the throes of an intensely stressful experience, find themselves exuding self-control, gentleness, and patience. Be the person God wants you to be, and you will become someone with vast emotional growth from year to year.