Finding Hope and Purpose Again After Disillusionment

Getting the things you’ve always hoped for and wanted might not be the party you think it is. Most of us have dreams, and we spend our lives trying to accomplish them before we are too old or somehow incapacitated and can’t enjoy them. However, it’s possible that fulfilling your dreams and ambitions might be a catalyst to experiencing disillusionment and finding yourself losing your sense of purpose.

Feeling disillusioned, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “the condition of being disenchanted: the condition of being dissatisfied or defeated in expectation or hope”, and it can also be defined as a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. When you feel disillusioned, you are facing a stark reality that’s unpleasant and different from what you’d hoped or expected.

Why Disillusionment Happens

Oscar Wilde once wrote that “When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers”. While this is somewhat cynical, the truth behind what Wilde was saying is that sometimes the things we want are desirable from afar, but once we have them in hand, we find ourselves disappointed. You can have goals that you’ve been working toward, and when you achieve them, they’re not what you expected.

One of the reasons disillusionment happens is what’s called aspirational regret. When you attain the things you’ve been working toward, you might discover that you’re not happier or you don’t feel the sense of accomplishment you thought you would. We can attach significance to certain achievements, and when they fail to deliver what we’d hoped, that results in deep dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

Disillusionment can also happen when you discover the truth about something or someone that you had high regard for, or that you liked. One of the reasons the saying “Never meet your heroes” is popular is that the feelings we attach to people of significance to us, and the way we potentially idealize them, cannot live up to the reality of who they are. The experience of their humanity and limitations might be disappointing.

We live our lives with certain values, ideals, and goals. This ability to look beyond what is and toward what could be drives us forward, keeps us motivated, and helps us push through obstacles and challenges. We look to certain inspirational individuals, and we look to certain goals and ideals to give shape to our lives. Often, these values are instilled by our families or the broader culture around us.

Disillusionment happens because the promise and the reality of things may not align. What we thought we would get, and how we thought we’d feel once we attained it, don’t match. This can happen with getting a job, a spouse, a home, a car, graduating from college, and much else. You thought you’d feel more adult, more accomplished, and more fulfilled upon achieving your goal, but somehow it doesn’t feel that way.

The Effects of Disillusionment

When you’re disillusioned, it can feel like the bottom just fell out of the thing you cherish most. Hope is a good and beautiful thing, and when you accomplish what you hope for and it’s ultimately disappointing, or if what you hope for turns out to be illusory, it can crush you.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that what happens when you experience disillusionment is akin to grief. Just like when you’re grieving, it’s not uncommon for people to go through the stages of grief, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A disillusioned person can feel angered and betrayed by the person they held in high regard, or with the culture and family that instilled certain values that proved insubstantial.

More than anything else, disillusionment can strip a person of their sense of hope. It can make you feel stuck, and as though there’s no point in carrying on or trying. Disillusionment can do that, but it can also make you cynical of the good or the beauty you see around you. Your perceptions of the world can be tainted or skewed toward the negative and can take joy out of your life.

Finding Hope and Purpose After Disillusionment

Disillusionment can leave you feeling hopeless or like there’s no point in trying to make things better. This can happen as reality becomes more apparent, as one gets older, or as certain experiences of success and accomplishment lead to the conclusion that things aren’t as advertised. However, it’s possible to move past disillusionment and regain a sense of hope and purpose.

You can move beyond disillusionment and deal with it in a healthy way by doing the following:

Acknowledge that you’re disillusioned

Accepting the reality that you’re feeling disappointed is good. You now know something new about yourself and the world. The fresh insight gained can help set realistic goals and be guided by realistic expectations of others and yourself. Being disillusioned can help you see things more clearly, so you take a measured approach in the future.

If you’re angry, leverage it into action

Disillusionment can also lead to anger, but that anger can be turned to better use by acting to change things. If you discover that your hero has failed to live up to certain ideals, that doesn’t mean those ideals are unattainable. It simply means it’s hard to attain them or to remain consistent in trying to maintain them.

Keep hope alive

C S Lewis once wrote that our desires have a corresponding object. If you experience thirst, that desire is fulfilled by drinking water. When you’re hungry, that sensation meets its fulfillment by eating a meal. There are desires and hopes that we have, and we mistakenly attach these to objects that can never satisfy those lofty yearnings. What do you do when those yearnings are disappointed?

One possibility, according to Lewis, is to become a cynic who believes they’ve seen through the sham that is the world, and who now makes it their task to ‘educate’ others about the truth of things. Such a person distances themself from the hopes and dreams of their youth, and they live like it’s all a big lie.

The other option is to consider that if you have a desire or yearning that can’t seem to be satisfied by things in this world, it’s not that those desires and yearnings are a false pointer. Rather, what it might suggest is that there are some things that cannot be satisfied in this world; their real object is likely God Himself, and the new heavens and new earth that is the inheritance of the saints who’ve trusted in Jesus.

Thus, you can keep hope alive by remembering that your deepest aspirations and desires may not be fulfilled in this life, but they will find ultimate fulfillment in Christ and His kingdom.

Deal gently with others

When you experience disillusionment, it can result in cynicism and frustration with others. Your journey toward disillusionment will likely take you to different places, and others might still be pursuing ends, goals, values, and experiences that you’ve found somewhat unfulfilling in the end. You can be empathetic to others and their experiences, knowing that they have their journey too.

Talk to someone

When you experience disillusionment, it can unleash a barrage of thoughts and feelings. It may be helpful for you to process these emotions, thoughts, and experiences with someone. It’s never easy to find that something or someone you were looking up to has disappointed you because it failed to live up to your expectations.

Talking with someone like a trained counselor can help you come to terms with what you’ve gone through. Your counselor can also help you as you reset your goals and find ways to move forward with clearer expectations.  Contact us today to speak to a faith-based counselor in our offices. Your first appointment is risk-free.