Spokane Christian Counseling Logo

  • CounselorsFind out more about our counselors
  • ServicesRead about the expertise available
    • Individual ServicesAddress your personal concerns confidentially
      • Individual Counseling
      • Children & teens Counseling
      • Family Counseling
      • ADHD
      • Aging and Geriatric Issues
      • Anger Management
      • Anxiety Therapy / Counseling
      • Coaching
      • Codependency
      • Depression
      • Domestic Violence
      • Eating Disorders
      • Grief Counseling
      • Infidelity and Affairs
      • Men’s Issues
      • Neglect and Abandonment Issues
      • OCD
      • Professional Development
      • Relationship Issues
      • Sex And Porn Addiction
      • Sexual Abuse
      • Trauma
    • Christian Couples CounselingWork through challenges together
      • Couples Counseling
      • Premarital Counseling
      • Marriage Counseling
    • Family CounselingEstablish the peaceful home you desire
      • Couples Counseling
      • Children & teens Counseling
    • Group CounselingBenefit from the support of others
      • Men’s Sexual Addiction Recovery
        Group
      • All Counseling Groups
    • Online Counseling
    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Marriage Counseling
  • LocationsWe have offices at various locations
    • Spokane Office OutsideSpokane
    • Spokane ValleySpokane Valley
    •  1Online Counseling
  • CareerJoin our team of Christian Counselors
  • (509) 209-8961Please give us a call, we are here to help
header-image

When Your Friends Divorce

Spokane Christian Counseling
https://spokanechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/when-your-friends-divorce-3.jpg 1920 1280
https://spokanechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/spokane-13-scaled.jpg
https://spokanechristiancounseling.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/cropped-Spokane-Open-Horizontal-HiRes.png
707 Suite 310 & 705 Suite G West 7th Avenue
SPOKANE, WA 99204
United States
707 Suite 310 & 705 Suite G West 7th Avenue
SPOKANE, WA 99204
United States
Photo of Dr. Aryn Ziehnert

Dr. Aryn Ziehnert

Mar
2023
18

When Your Friends Divorce

Dr. Aryn Ziehnert

Individual CounselingRelationship Issues

All relationships involve work. Marriage takes work. Your sibling relationships and friendships also require work. When you place value on healthy working relationships you know that you must be there for the good and the bad in order to avoid divorce.

When Your Friends Divorce 3With the prevalence and ease of divorce in modern society, there is a good chance that you will experience divorce. It may not be you and your spouse. It could be a sibling or a dear friend. There is also a high chance of interaction with acquaintances or co-workers going through a divorce.

Being prepared to handle these situations is a necessary part of interacting with your community. You want to be compassionate and helpful. You do not want to cause further damage to an already painful and difficult experience. Avoid probing and gossiping, and learn to be a sympathetic listener. The level of relationship will determine how much information you need to know to be helpful.

Like us if you are enjoying this content.

When a friend or family member is going through a divorce. it is important to avoid being judgmental. You have your beliefs and opinions about marriage and divorce. You might disagree with divorce. Choose to refrain from expressing these opinions at this time.

Even asking a question of what they have tried to avoid divorce can come across as a criticism. Many people who tell you they are getting a divorce have explored and tried all the options for repairing their marriage. Your disagreement with divorce as a practice is not helpful.

Help, don’t hinder

Carry each other’s burdens and so you will fulfill the law of Christ. – Galatians 6:2

When Christians get a divorce, it is a sad, messy, and complicated event. You are called to help your brothers and sisters in Christ, not judge them for this difficult choice. When they choose to announce it the first question you can ask is: “What do you need from me?”

When Your Friends DivorceThis will guide how you interact with someone. You may want to give advice; you may want to do all the research and have a ton of answers. It could be that you have a whole system of things you want to suggest they implement. Restrain yourself by understanding what they are asking from you.

If they are looking for practical help, consider what you can do. Do you have a room that could help during a transition time? Maybe arrange a meal train for a working mom or dad. Ask if they need help with any research or practical tips. Is childcare something with which you could help?

If someone is confiding in you, take time to understand just what they need. Do they need a shoulder to cry on and a box of tissues? Do you need to give them a hug and some one-on-one visiting time? Perhaps they want to vent about things. Allow space for the emotional process. It takes time. There is grief, anger, and a slew of other emotions to work through at this time.

It is important to consider your relationship with both parties in the divorce. Within close communities like a church or your family, the divorced parties may be sharing information to ruin your friendships with the other. Try to stay out of the fight as much as possible. When friends divorce it can wreak havoc on your friendships. If you feel that you must choose a side, then you may be most helpful by not getting involved in the situation.

There are situations where the best choice you can make is to step back and pray for the parties involved.

Pray, don’t gossip

Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others. – Philippians 2:4

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and gossip separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28

When Your Friends Divorce 1Praying for others is a wonderful gift. Yet it is an easily abused tool by Christians. Under the guise of requesting prayer, many people will spread information that may not be public, or just does not need to be known by many people. It is possible to pray for others without any details about a situation.

When a Christian friend tells you about their divorce, it is good to ask them first, may I pray for you? And second, may I ask others to pray for you? Establish an awareness of who knows what and how much the primary parties want others to know. People may speak to you in confidence and are not ready to have things broadly known.

Speculation feeds the rumor mill. If you become the confidant of a friend, it is important to know how much information that friend wants to be known. Other friends may come to you in the guise of prayer seeking information on the situation. You need to dismiss any rumors and irrelevant information. Again, you can tell someone to pray for their friends without telling them details. Gossip only causes further divides and harm in an already difficult situation.

Show hospitality

God sets the lonely in families. – Psalm 68:6

Going through a divorce can be a lonely process. Not only is there separation from a partner, but there can also be a loss of family and friendships along the way. When there are children, there is separation for them as well.When Your Friends Divorce 2 Recreating a family is a slow endeavor. Being available, by text or phone call, if not in person can be a way of showing hospitality to a lonely friend. You can provide comfort with your presence

Children in divorced families go through a lot of heartaches. When parents are in the process of divorcing, they may not always be able to give their children the attention and love that is necessary for a child’s emotional development. Taking time to love on the kids could be helpful to all parties. Children need safe and loving places to retreat to in times of chaos and upheaval. Consider different ways that you can be a safe family for children of divorcing parents.

You may find yourself in a situation where your children have friends whose parents are divorcing. Modeling hospitality by welcoming your children’s friends into your homes could be a way to be helpful to parents in the divorce process.

Contribute to the needs of God’s people, and welcome strangers into your home. – Romans 12:13

Divorce in the church has a difficult stigma around it. Men and women who are divorced often feel uncomfortable in church situations. They fear being judged and condemned. They may be neglected if they do not neatly fit into an assigned group of married persons. Creating a hospitable environment is part of your role as a compassionate Christian.

Conclusion

This is my commandment: Love each other just as I have loved you. – John 15:12

Regardless of what you may personally believe about divorce, as a Christian your highest calling is to love your friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc. Being a hospitable and prayerful person will make you a trustworthy source for those people in your life who are navigating a particularly difficult time in their lives.

Divorce is a sad position that can leave a man or woman feeling that they are unloved or even unlovable. Jesus has taught that he loves no matter what horrible things have happened in your life. Spreading that love with your presence, your prayers, and any practical help is going to bring healing and hope to the divorced parties.

Displaying the love of God to the divorced is an act of charity and humility that comes from a heart in tune with the heart of Jesus Christ.

Photos:
“Committed”, Courtesy of Zoriana Stakhniv, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “I give you my heart”, Courtesy of Kelly Sikkema, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Flowers in Greyscale”, Courtesy of Thomas Allsop, Unsplash.com, CC0 License; “Sunset over the Water”, Courtesy of Quino Al, Unsplash.com, CC0 License

  • Share on Facebook
  • Tweet it
  • ↑ Back to top
Photo of Dr. Aryn Ziehnert
Dr. Aryn is currently not accepting new clients

Dr. Aryn Ziehnert

Licensed Clinical Psychologist
(509) 381-0767 arynz@spokanechristiancounseling.com

I see it as an incredible honor to join you in your journey, an honor that I will not take for granted. While I will offer my professional knowledge, skills, and training to guide your treatment, I also believe that you are a wellspring of knowledge and have life experiences, personal preferences, and unique strengths that hold the key to any therapeutic course’s success. I am excited to meet with you, to get to know you, and to collaborate with you to address your psychological needs and help you live fully into God’s calling for your life. Read more articles by Dr. Aryn »

Other articles that might interest you...

Common Reasons for Relationship Issues and How to Find Help 1
Photo of Taryn Pemberton

Taryn Pemberton

Common Reasons for Relationship Issues ...

Is something missing from your current relationships with friends, coworkers, family members, or love interest? Do you want to deepen...

continue reading »
Individual Counseling: The Process and What to Expect
Photo of Nathan Bauder

Nathan Bauder

Individual Counseling: The Process and ...

For anyone who has never been to therapy but is thinking about taking that step, I want to give a...

continue reading »
What You Need to Know About Individual Counseling 3
Spokane Christian Counseling

What You Need to Know About Individual ...

The difficulties that come our way add variety and complexity to daily life. When we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed by...

continue reading »

About Dr. Aryn

Photo of Dr. Aryn Ziehnert

Dr. Aryn Ziehnert, Ph.D

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

I see it as an incredible honor to join you in your journey, an honor that I will not take for granted. While I will offer my professional knowledge, skills, and training to guide your treatment, I also believe that you are a wellspring of knowledge and have life experiences, personal preferences, and unique strengths that hold the key to any therapeutic course’s success. I am excited to meet with you, to get to know you, and to collaborate with you to address your psychological needs and help you live fully into God’s calling for your life. View Dr. Aryn's Profile

Recent articles by Dr. Aryn

  • Mar 18 · When Your Friends Divorce
  • Feb 18 · Strengthening Children’s Mental Health During Exams
  • Feb 3 · Overcoming Spiritual Abandonment Issues In Your Relationship With God
See all articles by Dr. Aryn »

Related Services

  • Individual Counseling
  • Relationship Issues

Dr. Aryn's Office Locations

  • Photo of the Spokane office

    Spokane

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (509) 209-8961
    707 Suite 310 & 705 Suite G West 7th Avenue Spokane, WA 99204

    View Office Details
  • Photo of the Spokane Valley office

    Spokane Valley

    Washington

    General Office Number

    (509) 340-0779
    505 North Argonne Road, Suite B-207 Spokane Valley, WA 99212

    View Office Details
Spokane Christian Counseling Logo
Spokane Christian Counseling
Professional help with faith-based values
We are an association of professional, independently licensed Christian counselors experienced in helping people of all ages find healing for a wide variety of issues.
© 2023 Spokane Christian Counseling. All rights reserved.
707 Suite 310 & 705 Suite G West 7th Avenue, Spokane, WA 99204. Tel (509) 209-8961.
Online Counseling About Us Privacy Policy Terms of Use Feel free to contact us!
COVID-19 Service Update: We are still open for business. In office and online counseling is available if needed.