Cognitive-Behavioral Anger Management Therapy

Why does my spouse lose his or her temper when we discuss finances? Why does my child throw a temper tantrum in the middle of Walmart? Why does a person shoot another person on the interstate during a road rage incident? Why does my teenager sulk and pout after being punished for sneaking out after curfew?

Why anger occurs

Greenberger and Padesky (2016) offer these three different types of thoughts behind these behaviors: a response to being hurt or threatened, a reaction toward another person breaking rules [my personal rules, my value system, societal rules, etc.], and a response to the unfairness of a situation. The hurt/threatening core belief can be justified or exaggerated.

For example, Susie would normally feel angry if she was punched in the face by a random stranger. However, Susie’s anger would be exaggerated if she punched Carol in the face because Susie feels threatened by Carol’s dirty look toward her.

Individuals have their own codes of conduct. Individuals develop idiosyncrasies to help them understand the world and to govern their lives. Society has a loose set of rules to keep order. When these rules are violated, people become angry with themselves or others. Unfortunately, individuals overreact in their anger leading to legal involvement.

Human beings have a sense of fairness. There is a common belief that our hard work and sacrifice will always be rewarded. There is a belief that all people “should” be treated the same and equally. There is a belief that all results “should” come to a fair resolution. As a result, when things do not happen this way, we become resentful, disillusioned, and bitter leading to intense anger.

How the Bible sees anger

Anger is an emotion that was given to us by God. The Bible contains several incidents where God became angry (i.e. Exodus 4:14; Numbers 12:9, 25:4, 32:10; Joshua 7:1, etc.). There is nothing inherently wrong with becoming angry when someone hurts you or members of your family.

It is a sign of love because we want to protect ourselves and others. God also feels angry when individuals mistreat other individuals. However, there are limits to our anger. God does not want us to carry resentment (Matthew 6:15). God does not want us to avenge the wrongs done to us or others (Romans 12:17-21). Instead, God calls us to forgive one another as He has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13).

Our lives are governed by rules. Rules prevent us from driving one hundred miles per hour. Christians follow Biblical principles to obtain their heavenly reward (II Timothy 2:5). Unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone does not follow the rules. The reason why our prisons are filled is because people cannot follow society’s laws and rules. Even our own expectations do not always meet reality. We live in a broken world with broken people.

If we are being honest about ourselves, we live in an unfair world, Hard work and sacrifice are not always appreciated, noticed, and rewarded. People cut corners to get ahead in life, and cheat others (Luke 19:8). Since the fall of man, people have biases and prejudices that lead to favoritism and discrimination (Genesis 37; Galatians 2). People do not always get paid what they deserve (Cf. Leviticus 6).

Anger management techniques

To summarize, there are three main reasons why individuals become angry. For these reasons, anger can lead to unintended and regrettable consequences if left unchecked. If anger leads to unintended and regrettable consequences, the question becomes how we keep our anger in check.

To prevent these actions from occurring, it is necessary to release some steam before engaging with other people. To release steam, one must obtain some distance from the other person. Once a safe distance is achieved, a person can begin to use some anger management techniques.

Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation

The first technique is deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation exercises. When people become flooded with anger, their breathing becomes dysregulated, their blood pressure elevates, and their body develops tension.

Deep breathing requires individuals to slow down their breathing by learning to inhale, hold their breathing, and exhale. The amount of time to inhale, hold, and exhale varies based on an individual’s lung capacity. An individual may require 10-15 minutes sitting in a chair to restore oxygen-rich blood to the brain.

Progressive muscle relaxation may be used separately or jointly with deep breathing. Progressive muscle relaxation requires an individual to flex a muscle for ten seconds and unflex a muscle for twenty seconds. Individuals doing this exercise would focus on the feet, calves, thighs, buttocks, stomach, chest, hands, arms, neck, and facial areas of the body.

These exercises require at least three sets per focus area over a 10-15-minute period. A Neurophysiologist would argue that the purpose of these exercises is to bring the prefrontal cortex, the front part of the brain responsible for rational decision-making, back online. When we become flooded with anger, we think from our brain stems, the part of the brain triggered for survival.

Renewal of the mind

When relaxed, it is possible to use a second anger management technique to change our thinking process. As described in the paragraph above, we tend to not use the rational parts of our brain when flooded with anger. Thus, it is helpful to reframe our thoughts when we are calm. There are two common cognitive distortions related to anger management: magnifying and mind-reading.

Magnifying occurs when we blow things out of proportion. To counter magnification, it might ask another person to determine whether your view is objectively based. Some people find it helpful to view their beliefs as a hypothesis and examine the evidence to decide whether they are exaggerating certain events. By learning to seek a second opinion and carefully examining one’s thoughts, an individual can put things in the proper frame of reference.

Mind-reading is a form of jumping to conclusions. It occurs when an individual makes assumptions with little or no evidence. To counter mind-reading, it helps to gather your evidence and center your thinking on several pieces of evidence, like a lawyer preparing a case.

During the gathering process, it helps to ask questions, such as “Are there multiple interpretations of the same event?” In other words, using another legal analogy, “Would a different factfinder interpret the sequence of events differently?” Gathering evidence and questioning the basis of our beliefs reduce the intensity and frequency of regrettable incidents.

Problem-solving

If a problem is recurring, it would be useful to problem-solve. Problem-solving is effective in resolving conflicts between two or more parties. It helps individuals to determine the existence and definition of the problem, solicit feedback from all parties in a dispute, discuss alternate solutions to resolve the problem, select a solution to implement, and then evaluate the implemented solution for effectiveness.

The existence and definition of a problem require all parties to recognize its existence and how they may have contributed to the problem. Soliciting feedback helps the parties to see how the problem affected them emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Discussing alternative solutions allows the parties to brainstorm before accepting and agreeing to a set solution.

Picking a solution to implement may help the parties to reconcile or come to a peaceful solution. Evaluating the solution allows the parties to determine whether it was effective or whether a different solution needs to be attempted.

Behavioral rehearsal

If a person would prefer to practice in a safe, sterile setting, they would engage in a behavioral rehearsal. Behavioral rehearsal involves an individual alone or an individual with another person practicing having conversations or role-playing different scenarios. By practicing, the individual imagines what he or she says beforehand.

By role-playing, the individual prepares him or herself in advance for how he or she will act and overcome potential barriers. The benefit of behavioral rehearsal is to enhance or modify an individual’s social and interpersonal skills. A secondary benefit to behavioral rehearsal is that will lower the intensity of anger in future conversations.

Assertive communication

The final anger management technique is assertive communication. Communication works well when two individuals hear and respond effectively. One of the barriers to effective communication is when communication is too passive or aggressive.

Passive communication occurs when a person does not specify and speak up what he or she needs. Aggressive communication occurs when an individual uses force, yelling, and intimidation to express their needs.

To be assertive, a person uses an “I-statement.” An “I-statement includes the words “I feel”), followed by an emotion adjective word (“happy, sad, glad, angry, etc.). The speaker then uses the word when and describes a situation occurring. The speaker completes the “I-statement” with a statement-request. For example, a wife might tell her husband, “I am overwhelmed when I find your clothing on the floor. Could you please pick them up?”

Christian anger management

By examining God’s Word and applying some different anger management techniques, we can learn to manage our anger more appropriately. If you need help to start the process of forgiveness, develop healthy expectations for yourself and toward others, cope with unfair situations, practice behavioral and cognitive ways to reduce your anger, or learn problem-solving skills, allow one of our counselors at Spokane Christian Counseling to help you.